I Was Wrong the Entire Time!

I think I'm NOT going to be one of those people in life who picks her career because she's incredibly passionate about it.

Now, I will likely BECOME incredibly passionate, because once I get attached to something, my passion IS incredibly strong. However, I will have to make myself do it FIRST-- I won't be drawn to it-- not in the beginning. That's the type of person I am! (I'm not stating this, I'm realizing it-- as I type. :)

This is important for me to realize because I've been worried about picking the right thing, when my personality isn't what will direct me to this "right thing" in the first place. Right now, I'm just very attached to watching Anime, and blogging-- where I try to work through my problems-- and just plain wishing that I could figure all of this out. Until I can un-attach myself from these things in a way that makes them still a part of my life-- BUT, not the ONLY part-- I won't be able to be happy in ANY career. So, that MEANS that I COULD become a doctor, if I want to. I CAN be a teacher, a writer, an English teacher in Japan, or whatever I might choose. Now yes, there are limitations, as is natural. And I will choose something that is possible, and pre-meditated, and something I can succeed it.

However, I DON'T need to worry so much when I go to a medical school interview and I tell them I'm passionate, but they ask me, "WHY?" -- and I tell them-- but, all the while, I am afraid that I'm not passionate ENOUGH. And I think, if I'm not passionate ENOUGH, I can't make it, not like those other medical students do.

But no! That's not it! In saying that I can't make it because I'm not passionate enough, I am holding myself back-- stopping myself by building a tremendous brick wall-- one that is only, in fact, made of stacked marshmallows, but I've seen it in the wrong light, so they look like bricks.

My "PASSION" is different than others' passion that I am always seeing on TV and striving for. Someday, I might feel like that-- the "I HAVE TO DO THIS" or "I WILL beat you!!!" or "Now, I KNOW I can do this! I am STRONG ENOUGH!" sort of passionate determination-- that one sees in stories.

But, having that kind of determination comes AFTER a person loves something. I may not love my career now, but if I KNOW I CAN love it, then that's good enough for now. (That is where risk comes in, and there's nothing I can do about that. There's almost always a risk that you might make a wrong choice. I just have to research the options as well as possible, to find what thing I'm good at, want to do the most, and then consider the pros and cons of each possibility to make the best choice.)

I don't have to have that kind story-determination all the time. I don't need to make such a big deal of my motive, and worry that if it's not good enough, I can't make it. A motive is NOT all that drives a person, and I forgot to realize that. Motivation is your REASON for going, but once you get started, you'll be thinking about what your doing-- acting, practicing music, studying-- and you'll get caught up in it, un-distracted and honed in on the task.

So, what I'm trying to say is this>>>

Just because I'm not entirely sure about my career choices doesn't mean I have to worry so much about them. My motive is important, but I don't have to adore my career and the activities that go with it immediately. I need to trust my choice and focus on the tasks that will lead to success, instead of freaking out because of doubt, and losing my self-confidence.

Yup.

Maybe I do this because I have such a terrible capability to focus...? It sound to me like my career choice is getting off track all the time because I get distracted with unnecessary worries....