Game Sta---..... Not Yet.

I started a post a while ago and stopped for some reason and nobody got to read it.

I don't care, though, because it was mostly empty!

Now I'm going to add to it.

Basically, my blog needs improving. It's lacking in changes. Since I'm going to remodel my room, I should remodel here, too!

I am really bad at remodeling. The reason I say this is because I like to horde junk. What I mean by this is that I can't change things. To me, changes seem like a big deal, but other people probably wouildn't notice whatever is different.

For example, I have a hard time getting rid of clothes. Thus, when I got six large packing boxes sent to me (Wednesday, was it?) filled with my clothes from Atlantis, I (surprise!) didn't need any of the clothes! I really just need to get rid of some. Now everything is falling out of drawers, or the drawers won't close, and plus, I need a lot more hangers. And the little cubbies on the top of my closet are heavy and overflowing with random holey hot chocolate- stained pajama shorts and high-school t-shirts that used to be nice that have little holes by the belly button (from when I had to hold my pants up with a belt and the belt caught)....

Lately I catch my lacy dresses on drawer handles in the kitchen a lot, and tear holes in them. ARRRRG. It makes me really mad, mostly at the lacy dress.

I know what you're thinking. You're like, JUST GIVE AWAY THE OLD STUFF, CARA!

Thank you. That really helps. I'm glad you reminded me, because I was starting to go crazy knowing I needed to get rid of 50% of my clothing and yet I can't see any of the raggedy clothes under my nose as being get-rid-of-able.

But they are! I'm glad I have you here reading this so you could remind me of that. :)

Mmmmmm, KAY. There are a few things I need to make apparent to my self.

1. My blog is totally outdated. 
Not, like, boring or old, but just... I haven't changed it for a while. I need to change it for a bit of inspiration. Sabbath (Saturday) or some other free day would be a good time to spend a while making it anew.

2. I need to learn Japanese... by using what I work with everyday. I need to type up and practice the kanji in アニメ that I watch, or even more, the words that I hear the most. Give myself a time limit for working on this project.
examples: ヤマトナデシコ七変化*

3. I'm going to make a schedule. Then I'll explain it to you, and talk about how I'm doing and accept scoldings when I don't go to bed on time. Hopefully I won't need scolding for not making it to work. (I am so ashamed I am late sometimes, but I've got to be positive and do my best!)

4. I have to start journaling about the medicines I take so that I have an understanding of how they affect me. I'll set up a separate page for it when it's not interesting and just factual, and update a small list there. And I can write about it in a post if there's a lot to talk about it.

Long (and Only) Version of How I Can Use my Time Carefully.

I noticed the other day that my life is centered around wandering around the house. Wherever I end up-- the kitchen, the computer room, the living room, my room-- usually ends up reminding me of an activity I could do. So instead of going to the living room to practice piano, I wander by the piano and HAPPEN to stop and play.

This is bad! I think... basically, I am not owning my actions-- I don't take responsibility and get done what I need to, commanding myself etc etc) instead, I just let whatever happens happen.

I say "bad" not because I need to change my habits, but that I wasn't aware of this, and I could be dealing with this... just a little differently. Here's how!

Problem Solver If I had an activity for each room of the house, and set an item in a place I'll remember (like a book, for example) that signifies that activity, that would help me accomplish my tasks instead of side ones that I don't need to do (like solitaire, reading new books instead of one's I've already started, or forgetting that I wanted to study, and going to my room to watch anime, when I just FINISHED doing that twenty minutes ago).

Interesting, right? Now, it's important that I go about my day with a sort of task list in my head (when I'm feeling task-less) and TRY to follow it. But when I DO have free time, it would be great to fit in progressive activities instead of solitaire-like activities. Does that make sense? (I'm trying to call them progressive, as in progress, instead of useful, because relaxing IS useful, so I don't want to be overly negative, it's just relaxing doesn't necessarily provide actual progress, which really is okay.)

These activities include lots of things (Japanese, piano, music studies, bible studies, meditation practice, simple prayer, working out, cleaning house, taking with family). A few of these things-- working out, cleaning house, and talking with fmaily00 are easier because of exactly what I've explained: the activity is "easy to access or "available" because as I wander around the house, they present themselves.

I also perform an activity well when I am stuck doing it. If I find a way to make myself comfortable or stuck (ribbon!) doing any of these activities (without it being something that makes me sleep, if that would be a problem) then that is a good way for me to make the most progress before getting up to do something else.

Implementation: Have checklists in the rooms of the house for activities I do at certain times: this includes pills, flossing, all those little things that I have to make sure not to forget.Some of them I always remember (birth control) other ones I forget or deny (flossing) and others I frequently or almost always never do, no matter how heavy on my mind it is (exercise, quitting anime) when ALL of these things I need to be doing daily. This will help me be successful. These are the little things. I can do this.

Directions.   * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hole-punch the papers, so I can "consolidate" in a sort of "review" of how I've done, then put them back in place afterwards. They need to try and stay in their places, so I'll make photocopies or versions 1, 2, 3 etc. for ones that will be used for writing on (chap 3 today, date, like that!). The room is [in brackets here]. For large activities that need to have uniqueness to a room, keep it that way. For activities that need to be multiple room,s make it that way. There are a lot of rules to make, so observe how they're ordered.

Books that I'm reading will have to be floating around the house, since I don't have more than one. I'll try and make my studies movable, but I may get distracted by having to go find a book or other item. It's important that I don't let this keep me from getting something done; I can do a little focusing, at least. (Think list in head! Two at a time is okay.)

[bathroom]2000: floss | brush |face |weight (other paper, incorporate when I finish it, or take apart and stick on new? or something) |

[my room][computer rm] Japanese - 2-10 kanji avg.
[us+ds] piano - 1 hr sug.
[us+ds] music studies - 1 hour, 1 chapter, 1 page sug.
[under the bed][in the bathroom][in bed][on couch] bible studies - 15", 1 chapter sug.
[my closet][coat closet][outside][outside][roof][multiple places not already used - post-its] meditation practice (+ side wake up message) (if one particular place develops, use that for a record sheet, unless that disrupts my practice, which it shouldn't but it might.)
[my room] simple prayer
[my room] working out

wake up on all messages

[kitchen] cleaning house
[kitchen] read a book!
[ds kitchen] walk dog

[desk] work stuff
[desk] finances, bills, mail stuff

Remember! The aim of all this over-done-ness is to make it become habit, so that means I actually have to keep doing this "overdoneness" continually, on, and on, and on. It won't end, but it will become easier-- more like habit-- think of it like taking pills. Continually.

For all this stuff, I'm going to implement it with post its, mostly. Some of the items (activities designated for rooms, I mean) will be papers with blanks for the date so I can record what I did. But for a simple reminder like meditation, I'm going to use a certain color of post it to remind me, and place them in all the places of each room or place that I might think to meditate in. Eventually, I'll have an activity or activities for each room, while avoiding any major conflicts (like music study and Japanese study) and every time I go anywhere in my house, I can choose to fill my time with progressive activity, or relax-ive activity.

Most importantly, I can't be worrying about doing something if I don't want to. One drawback to this entire thing is that I might start to mistake all these notes over the house as another one of my schemes to externally motivate myself, and I'll rebel against that and it'll get weird. I'll be naturally relaxing away from a task, then see the reminder and feel like I'm forcing myself to do something without regard to respect-- but it's a reminder, and I AM THE ONE in control of myself, because what I do I take responsibility for. When I forget this, the plan will backfire because I will avoid responding to it. OBSERVE and think ABOUT the situation objectively. Do your best, and separate my SELF from my actions. This is weird but exactly what I mean: "Don't take your actions personally or to heart." My actions do not make me-- mistaking that is unfair and wrong as inverted gravity. Let go of the later and the before and live in now. Nothing can change the fact that God made me how I am and HE MEANT IT.

I also have some unrelated ideas about weight loss, so I'm going to make another post for that.

Time Picking.

Things that I don't LIKE (or not always, like, I'm unmotivated) to do, therefore I have to pick a time:

(parenthesis mean I picked a time)
- walking the dog
- going to bed (8 prep, 9 lockin, 10 lights out) - also pills/shower/facewash/teeth
- exercising
- piano practice 1+ hr AT LEAST ONE! for clarity.
- studying japanese
- studying the bible
- reading healthy books
- jobsearch (right now)

so far that's all--

7  - walking the dog AM
     exercising (after above)
10 - piano practice 1+ hr AT LEAST ONE! for clarity.
11 - studying japanese
12 - jobsearch (right now)
17 - dog walk PM
- studying the bible
- reading healthy books
20 - going to bed (8 prep, 9 lockin, 10 lights out) - also pills/shower/facewash/teeth

Like THAT!!!!

ooookay. inspirational time!

The best way to get something done effectively, truly, truly, efficiently I mean, is to make (or schedule) and follow the time. I don't follow time because I'm simply never doing anything. So it's easy to get behind when I need to do something and I never start. Basically I'm saying I have free time and some time to do work, but I put off work.

The solution???!!! Is to do the work at a certain time every day! To work within LIMITS!

Yup.
5-6: up, exercise, eat, dress.

8: pills
after 8 or before (ASAP): homework due, studies (school), independent studies, piano.

8: pills

9-10: bed/lights

like THAT.

Revelation Review... Deja vu again!

I get really inspired when I haven't slept. Like, I can think - STRAIGHT - and it feels really good. It's like the entire day is weighing on me, and I can handle all of it, because I feel calm and ready to forget about it any second... like I don't care because as long as I get to go to sleep for sure, I can make it. But so often at ten pm at night, I think, I don't want to go to bed. But there isn't a solution to this problem besides just making yourself go to sleep. I just never want to until morning. Isn't that silly? It's just my messed up schedule, I think. I'll bet not very many people have this problem! Because I could control and fix it if I really wanted to. I think I'm just being selfish.

Anyway, I wrote down some good stuff in my Daynotes on my PC and I wanted to put it in here in case I lost it. It's really good. I want to follow these things and actually change these habits. I emphasize "actually" because often I make lists, but if I don't really put my whole heart into them while I'm writing it, AND if I don't go back and re-read it, I don't end up changing that habit. I've changed a few of my habits with list writing, so I won't give up yet. So here's the most important thing: I have to go back and re-read this list, so I have it on a shortcut on my desktop. We'll see! Read it, it's good, though it may not apply to you. :) Really, if you don't have "self-control" problems, you can't relate to me in this way, but if some of this applies to you, you should think about it because these changes can be good. But.. haha... what do I know?!

" because I can't keep perspective, and I can't depend (or won't let myself depend) on other people to help me fix my perspective, I have to FIND a way to do it myself. REMEMBER: feelings are AWESOME, but they don't dictate logic. Watch out, feelings are also very foolish. That's what I mean about maintaining perspective. I let my feelings wash me away like a river, and sometimes I realize too late that I should have walked upstream to swim down an entirely different river. Here's a possible plan:

have rules for myself that I KNOW, if I break them, I will probably lose control.

SCHEDULE STUFF - wholeheart to change
1. watch anime as much as I want, but get other things done first, that are on this list. In order to do that, I need to have a list that I write down what I have to get done each day.

2. Get the major things I need to get done, each day, first. That includes work, chores, meals, study, and spiritual communication hahaha, no really. COMMUNICATING WITH _GOD_.

If I write a list for each day, it will keep my tasks in perspective so I don't put it off till later and never get it done. I have to push myself in order to be successful, because I am foolish and I forget that my life now is just a dying thing.

3. Get the things on this list done BEFORE breaks, including everything. I have to learn how to survive a day, because once I get distracted, it's hard to pull back and I'm capable of holding out longer. When I  need a rest, take a PEACE break (some other way than with entertainment) then MOVE ON and get more done. I can be MORE efficient this way. Use imagination to keep myself happy and moving, as if someone else is pushing me, when really, it's just me!

4. When I do allow myself to watch anime, I have to keep a watch of the time, no matter what my excuse is for not being aware of it, it is TOO possible. So I need to be aware of all my scheduled important things, and stop my relaxation and remember that life is just as fun, but sometimes I forget because it's not ideal in the same way, so I need to grow a better imagination. Don't force myself, have FUN. Also, get ABSORBED in each task, one task! I only need imagination to START with, then I can let my feelings taking me away.

RULES-TO-NOT-BREAK STUFF - simple things to keep
1. when I eat, it should be something that mostly involves hands-on preparation and gathering, not microwaving, and preferably less packaging. At least 50% of all content should be something I cook or cut.

2. when I eat, I should study - READING - or nothing. only snacks and drinks are for TV and entertainment, and I should get used to doing less of that, too. keep a book upstairs that I read with food, and a book downstairs that I'm studying, too. That way I can study multiple things at once, like I always want, and I won't forget where I leave my books.

3. exercise daily. this is a variable thing in that it can be done in a lot of ways, so just do one of them, and make sure to get tired and loosened up. evening is better, and try to go to bed right after, but if not, make sure to calm down and have eaten before bedtime.

4. keep a bedtime, and stick to it with lights out and everything. Use calming methods and anticipate when they will be needed instead of realizing three hours later that I should have taken a sleeping pill or listened to music.

5. instead of watching two hours of anime, watch less and study japanese first. I just have to make myself do it, because if I don't do it daily I'll never learn all the kanji.

day looks like this, with details and check-mark signs beside...

(homework)(take time to be beautiful)(prayer)

class

work

chores

study

japanese

exercise

bedtime - pick one!
[T1]read this list and update. D-A-I-L-Y, PM esp. I get to order ピーチガール in 175!!!!!!! fourteen days later..."

While Playing DDR I Wrote This....

When I have an ultimate goal of something, especially based on other people) I do much better, often accomplishing that goal, because I know I "have" to. Thinking "I HAVE TO" is only a good phrase if you come up with a REASON, not just "I have to". So make reasons for have-to's. I don't do this withfree-schedules, but I could, if I made a better goal. If I don't reach it, it needed to be more reachable, since I'm capable of anything. (Unless something else major is going on that's stopping me.)

Make rules (like list-making or scheduling) in ORDER to break them. Rules create the structure so you know WHERE the weakest parts are-- so you can fix those weak areas-- and use efficiency to proceed with tasks and reach the best efficiency balanced with happiness and peace in life.

Moooooorrree Schedule!!!!!

K. I was trying to make my new schedule too complicated. It's good to schedule down to the hour, the half hour, even close to the minute, if you need to be really efficient. But if you don't stay focused on that planner, or whatever it is you use to record that schedule in, you forget what you wrote.

My schedule that I create needs to be simple on the outside, with four main sections of the day. I can create a schedule at first, but eventually I need to memorize it. Planners will be for appointments, and it'll go with my wallet or whatever, but I have to learn how to keep a schedule in my head instead. In the end, my producitivity will be much more powerful if I memorize my schedule instead. I have never been able to hold a schedule for a day straight by writing it in a planner, so I dunno what I was thinking!! Haha.

When I say "memorize" I just mean that I need to know what MAIN sort of... subjects... I'll be doing that day. For instance, "I'm working, studying, and going to two classes" or "I'm cleaning the downstairs and practicing piano" or "I'm taking my brother to the fair". From there, I can break the larger tasks down into smaller pieces, with my own brain.

If I act like I don't trust my decision making skills in the moment, I'll never be able to do anything with a planner. And my planner idea wasn't working anyway.

So, I was just using my failure and confusion about my schedule-writing attempts as an excuse to try again and again what wasn't working in the first place. "I'll try again, I'll try again!" Meh.... Scrap that!

Different types of days: work day, sabbath, cleaning day, personal day, family day (combine-able)

Different sections ("time for" sections ... like sleep, study, etc) are: sleep, devotional, study, workout, relax, entertainment, cleaning.

Do I need to add to these??? hrrmmm, I think so.

no section for eating. if I create a section, I'll allow it too much time. you can eat while you do other stuff, so it doesn't legally deserve a section.

coo. more later.

Oh hey. I'm looking for more jobs tomorrow. Yay me. No really. Okay I'm kinda depressed about it. But I'm actually going to do it... or start on it... or something. Really.

And I do have a job already. It's just not very good. :) for the $$ I mean.

New Plan!!

I am going to try out something new with my planner. I need to plan my time more exactly, like, down to the minute. It's all going to be about routine. Routine is good for me, because my personality is the opposite. I can't find a way to channel my ADD into something good, so I'm going to guide myself with a planner-- it's kind of... like I'm fighting my ADD, if you want to phrase it negatively. But I can't just jump from one task to the other constantly just so that I don't forget to do the new thing I thought of. If I do that, then I forget the other thing I was doing previously. Laundry, brushing my teeth, cleaning my room, practicing piano, studying, even having arguments with people, it's all the same-- I forget to finish things because I go do something else. I just don't know if that's helpful under normal circumstances, ever!

So here goes. I'm going to list every single thing I might ever need to do-- daily activities, things I want to do to reach my goals, studying, family activities, cleaning, etc-- and prioritize them into a laddered list, for what to start with first, and use it to pull those activities from the list and schedule them into my day, down to the minute. 

My taking care to use each minute will help me take my time more seriously. I've been trying this with my planner since this week's Monday, but it wasn't working because I didn't specify very carefully, and I didn't actually make it on-time to the first activity, so I'd give up immediately. I suppose that problem can't be solved by being specific, so I'm going to have to try harder. No-- I have to do my best. But, being specific will at least (maybe) make me take things more seriously.

I'll use my planner and write in it, 7:10, 7:15, 7:30... that sort of thing. It will probably be mainly fifteen minute and thirty minute increments, but I might need to buy a bigger planner for smaller increments, but even that might not fit in the one I have. And I'll time myself with my phone. If I forget to set the timer, I'll forget to keep going. After a while, I might not need to use it, but for now, I'll pretend otherwise.

I'll carry my "Quotidian" list with me everywhere, in a purse (even in the house) as well as a planner, pen, my phone, and post-its or other notepaper for writing random things. Probably post-its are the best. Study materials and other activity materials will stay in the places I will do those activities. I have a habit of trying to do too many things at once-- see-- so then I get all my stuff lost all over the house, which makes it even harder to finish tasks after coming back to them, since I don't know what I was doing if I don't even know where I was doing it.

I just don't know how to lose weight and get my studying done every day if I don't try this. I will really be happy if this works. Here goes try number 2,436! (That's a joke. :-| Well, I'm guessing it's a smaller number.)

special codes
AFRST=adjust for required start time (for appointments that I'm not sure when they'll occur, like family worship or going somewhere with someone else)

Activities Prioritized: The Crash Project Expanded
FREQUENT ITEMS (short time-period activities)
water
chores essentials
japanese and spanish

TIME BLOCK ITEMS(extended time-period activities - some are repeated from frequent items)
prayer
sleep B4 2330 (2100)
wake B4 0800 (0600)
pretty-care essentials (showering, nail-care, skin-care, brushing hair, dressing)
work (requires 10.5 hours - getting ready, driving, and working)
chores essentials (for appearances, mom and Allison)
weight loss
studies: bible
studies: college homework
studies: piano
studies: theory
studies: spanish
studies: japanese
pretty-care extras (picking outfits, makeup, hair-dos)
exercise
chores hardcore (big projects)

hummm... can't think of anything else at the moment. I'll update this later. For now, I'm going to print it out and follow the other things I've added on to Quotidian. (You know that means daily, right? It's kind of funny though, it makes it sound like I'm "quoting" myself. Which, really, I kinda am doing that anyway....)

URRRRR Something crazy just happened to my page, Quotidian, and it has reverted to the state it was in at least two more more days ago. How did that happen? A whole bunch of really good stuff I liked is gone. I don't get it. I think it must be bad to have two "New Post"s open on blogger, and it gets confused with the publishing. Urrrrggg!!!!!! I can't remember half of it. I get so mad when that happens. :,(