God being supportive

It seems a little scary to admit this but... I have to express how happy it makes me!

I've been in some pretty bad places in life. Not compared to some people, but emotionally, I have. I guess I don't have to compare myself to others to explain this. I shouldn't do that... anyway.

I've been homeless, I've hated myself (still do often), I have been alone in the world, with only my two feet to stand on. It was something like rock-bottom. Everything I have today-- my apartment, my husband, my job, is based on experiences I have gained since that rock-bottom place, it feels like. I suppose there were good things /before/ rock bottom that helped shape me, too. (Like childhood and sweet parents.)

But I just feel like God has gotten me here. Like everything I did was just minuscule or nothingness compared to what he can do  (and did) for me. I feel like David in the Psalms when he talks about being lifted up, and where his enemies are smote by the Lord's hand, and how God solves his problems for him. (I sometimes feel sorry for his enemies. But I think the point is that God solved his problems, and that those enemies could potentially symbolize issues, not necessarily people. But yes, sometimes people.)

It was like that for me. I feel completely supported by God. It feels so good to admit that everything I have is his. That he got me here, and not me. 

You know why? 'Cuz if *I* got me here, then I have a lot of work to do to get farther. And that's exhausting to even think about! This was hard enough, just riding on God's coat tails. It was difficult staying on the sled he was driving, hurtling us down the mountain, and without crashing into any trees, too. And now I'm supposed to walk myself all up that mountain so I can do it all by myself, again? No, sir! I would prefer to get a lift from the creator of the universe, thanks tho... He's the best driver, too.

This isn't self-depreciation like it might sound. It's such a relief to keep this in mind. That it's not up to me. And I don't even have to know where I'm going. 

*Whew.*

*Goes back to taking it one day at a time*

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Stinky Broccoli

Yeah, I can tell right now that this is going to be a boring blog! For now, at least. That's okay! I'll work on it. Boring can be good... not really. Okay, I will just not judge my blog. That will work better.

My fish, Archimedes, is dying... it's sad, but I guess it's just cause he's old.

I didn't go to school today; my back keeps me from standing for long periods of time. DUMB! I can't DO ANYTHING, not even practice the piano, which requires sitting up and leaning a lot for hours.

My roommate, Ishva (EESH-vah) is freaking out in the extreme. I made some broccoli soup, and she's got her hand over her mouth and is swearing and repeating the same thing in various ways: "It smells like an exploded sewage tank!"

The sad part is, I think she's right. EWWWWWWW...

We opened the windows and doors in our room, and our floor's door to the southern stairwell. Hopefully it will dissipate... this is embarrassing. <3