Letter to Marguerite in Greece!

Marguerite Marguerite Margueriiiiiiiite!!!! ha ha, I'm hyper. And I miss you! This is getting boring!!!

I'm going to have to get a job. I would really like to work as a waitress and an office assistant/receptionist, but if those two don't work, I just have to work at a nursing home again. I'm just SCAAARED... and getting references...??!!.... it's something I'm going to have to work on tomorrow. I will let you know what happens! By August, I should have a job or two. :) aaaaaahhh....

It's great how you have "no problem studying". I am getting to that point too... you know, it's weird? I think I didn't do well in school simply because... I didn't see the classes going in a direction I was passionate about. Basically... I didn't care about what I was doing. It's too bad I didn't figure it out sooner!

But being sure about your life-- and being sure about what you love-- it takes guts. You have to be really brave to be able to say, "I like this" and "this is something I wouldn't mind doing for the rest of my life". I mean, I feel so old already, and I am basically starting at the beginning of my college education again. I feel like the decisions I make need to be made very carefully, because I don't have a lot of time left.

That sounds dumb, I know, because I'm only twenty-one. But I really do need to make a lot of progress! I'm so behind. These are my priorities: :)

1) Working (after I find a job) in order to pay for my music degree, which I will finish later on.
2) Studies, every day!!!!
a. Bible (if I go teach in Japan, I have to know answers to questions about my religion)
b. Piano practice (and theory)
c. Japanese
d. read any books that help my reading comprehension! (it sucks.)

I can only spend money on Japanese materials and school. The money I make will be going to an account in Atlantis, so it's going to be far away-- and that's good! :)

Iiii'm exciiiteddd. heh heh.

You said you read the Time Traveler's Wife? I watched the movie. It made me cry. But I bet the book is better. I would have... directed the movie differently... hee hee. Well... I might have picked different people for the acting roles, too.... But it is a very, very good story!

You're right that being indecisive is part of my personality. I don't have to feel so terrible about it. I mean, I shouldn't. Being indecisive, or whatever it is that I am doing, is scary because I am always feeling like I'm doing the wrong thing, and that I'm not "passionate" enough about my career path. But being "passionate" isn't necessarily the right word for what people need in life. You aren't always going to feel passionate about your career! That's not what emotions are made of! Emotions are swirly with dark shadows and warm sunlight. You can't expect your "passion" to remain a constant, positive light, so that when you go in for an interview for the job you want, everything is clear and diamond solid. It would be nice for everything to make sense like that, and it definitely happens, but it's foolish to expect perfection and be angry about mistakes we make. Mistakes need to push you in a positive direction, not drag you down. Don't expect passion be tied around your waist, as thick as a tug-of-war rope, pulling you. Let passion take you slowly, like a stream's current pulling a leaf towards a river. That stream won't always be running along a creek-- it's going to end up at a waterfall!

I guess I'm saying... things like studying, I have to think of this way-- a thing where you practice a little every day (EVERY day)-- and you let yourself enjoy it! If you take it more slowly, the threads that tie you to that passion will become much stronger than if you tried to attach yourself to that passion, all at once. And of course, when it's fun, you succeed much better, without worries. That's how I'm trying to think of things that I want to succeed in.

Caleb sounds like a very nice friend. You don't have to tell him he's my future husband, but you can hint at it, if you like. He's going to have to accept it, sooner or later!

And I would LOVE to see you this summer! Summer is the best, most beautiful time.... *sigh* Maybe I can come visit you during the school year, too! Since I'm not in school, it won't as perilous to get away.

I wish I could come visit you in Greece. What beautiful memories you're making! I like old towns. They have maturity, you know? And Greece-- it's seen centuries! When we see each other this summer, I will tell you about Yosemite. We went there in June... we saw waterfalls and huge sequoias.... We have pictures!

Do your best in Greek! I'm happy you're pleased with your success so far. In Japanese... ummmm... Let me look it up.

Ganbatte, ne? Do your best, okay? (Without the ne, you just have "do your best"). It's also good in place of where we would say, "Good luck" or "You're going to do great".

It looks like this. 頑張って ね. Probably. And you say it like... "gahn-bah-TAE, nay?" well, it's across between saying "neh" and "nay". Which also stands for "hey". Ney. Hey. ha ha ha-- sorry....

I don't really know all those Japanese symbols yet. (Your computer might not have the capability to read those symbols anyway.) I haven't actually learned the Japanese alphabet yet, so I'm not really that far along. However, I do watch a lot of anime, so I'm doing well at recognizing certain words, how to pronounce their accent, and the pitches of the words. It's so much fun!!!!

So like I was trying to say until I got off track, 頑張って! I love you Marguerite!

XOXO.
♣Cara♣

Letter to my mom

Hi Mommy.

I am typing in the library, and I have a lot of homework so I'm starting as early as possible. It's funny--when I type while I'm taking Adderall, I don't really EVER make mistakes in my typing! I mean, I do, but there are a lot less, like I'm more careful of what I type. It's kind of cool. I don't feel any different, except that I know and am able to think about what I need to do next, in a more orderly fashion than I used to think.

It's exciting because I think I am going to get better grades now! Instead of putting my passion to do better in school toward attempts at getting my homework done, I see the path ahead of me more clearly, so I can actually complete tasks much more quickly. It helps me realize that the little things I would try to do at the same time as more important things are not so important, and I remember what I NEED to be thinking about.

Having this mindset helps me realize how to think more focused when I'm NOT on the medication, as well. (Unless it's actually working more than six hours.) But I understand better, more than just feel better. That means someday, maybe, I won't need to take Adderall anymore, and that's what I'd like best.

But who know, I'm guessing about all this. I haven't been taking Adderall very long anyway, so I'll need to talk with my counselor about it before I decide stuff. She knows more about it than I do. :)

How are you? I miss you a lot! I love the idea of you coming to visit me!!! I never realized how much fun it is for you-- it's like your own little private holiday, which I bet you like a lot! I know how you feel; often I enjoy the cruise back to the mainland by myself better than with someone else--you and me are introverts in that way at least. We don't mind alone time! It is GROUNDING... it makes you feel more together, yourself, more complete, more organized inside your head.

SOOOO... YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY COME VISIT ME!! I LOVE YOU!!!! heee heee.

I think I told you this already, but Ishva and I are doing a weight loss contest. Whoever loses the most is the winner! The loser (ironically and probably counter-productively) buys dinner. The contest ends at the end of the quarter, Saturday night the night before finals. I have lost one pound! Possibly two, but I can't count that one because I don't know if I was exactly 185 or 184.8 or something, so I'm using "184.0" for my starting weight... and now I weight 183 today. It will fluctuate, but it's still progress! I am trying to exercise every day, unless it's too late and I need to go to bed.

But taking this medicine really also helps me figure out my goals better. I know what I need to do, and then I have the ability to focus and do it! It's so much fun.

Hey, you should print this letter out and give it to Daddy. He might be happy to be updated on my school progress in better detail. Ha ha... and he's kind of wrong about the medicine not working. Of course, I think it's important to know that the medicine is there not for me to take for the rest of my life, but to help me learn how to think and focus in the SAME way I do when I AM taking it. It helps by giving me a mental image of what it is actually like to focus. So cool!

As you might be able to tell, my thoughts are more organized in their paragraphs. This is another sign of how it helps.

Okay, enough about that. I love you Mom! Kisses and hugs! I'm waiting for my recital in anticipation... and if you want to come visit me earlier as well, next weekend. You could get here on Friday, May seven, and stay until Sunday... You and I could both go visit Miss Tulie for Friday night tacos with Autumn and Marguerite, maybe! We would even get done in time for evening church. And you will meet Ishva, who is AWESOME. I will call you about it!

Love, Princess Cara (Daughter of King Matthew and Queen Rida, Sister of Prince George)

[Please note to my friends on blogger :) the above is supposed to be a joke. My mom knows I liked to pretend I was a princess when I was little... I still do. It's not weird, though! Pretending--or using your imagination--doesn't have to become a fantasy, but can be mentally visual poetry or art, expressing creativity and enjoyment of the the good parts of life, like the the blue sky, sparkling water, dark summer storms, or whatever you like best about living. I think that imagination can "take" you to sin-free places like Heaven.]