How to play music idea!

!!
music = dance "written music exists to tell how to play it audibly, like a dance instructor exists to show you the steps."
dance = better with good balance
good balance = learned best without eyesight
good balance without eyesight = best done with the basics - exercising and stretching and any other physical movements.
music = dance with your eyes closed - the ultimate form of memorization

I don't know.

One thing I KNOW is that I CAN be great. I HAVE lots of talent. But I also know that talent isn't what will make me successful, no matter how much I have. So, even though it seems logical to be suspicious that I don't have enough talent to make money in piano, that's really not something I should think about if I know what I want and wish for. Even though it doesn't matter as much as I think it does, I don't actually know how talented and super duper my piano skills are. I don't know how much money I can make. I don't know if I can compete with the world of piano. I don't know if I'm too old. I don't know how I look. I don't know how much Dr. Merlin respected me, or how much anyone else did or does. I don't know if I'm capable of having enough determination, business sense, energy, time management, and focus, to succeed in doing ANYTHING about piano.

Put simply, I don't have answers. But that doesn't mean I should hesitate for lack of them! I don't know what can, could, or will happen.

But these questions do bug me a lot. That's why they distract me so much into hesitation. But so what, oh well, big deal.

Here's what I am going to do-- since I have no other ideas, no sure answers, and no rock-solid prophecies to tell me what decision to make next--

Set small stars (my word for goals) only. Do not forget them and move on until they're finished!

And by applying this to my piano adoration and problem :), I get this. I'm going to be an accompanist. (AKA collaborative pianist.) I can be one in Japan, and in the metro near where I live, and my own city. It's a job that can make lots of money if you do it right. And I'm already in a bad position right now. It can't be worse than this, and to top it off I usually do better than my goals anyway. So if I set this small goal, at least I can get there, instead of hesitating. But don't tell me I said that!

I'm going to be a "lowly" accompanist. If that's what I do for the rest of my life, FREAKING A THAT'S AWESOME! What's wrong with having an easy job? Plenty of things, maybe-- but at least I will put my all into doing it well and I'll be doing something that many other people wouldn't want to do. Each career and work you can do in the world is unique. I won't belittle myself by putting down my tinier goals.

No more. Be happy, Cara. Don't be a silly girl, now. Don't be afraid. Step up and do your best!

...now I'm going to look up what an accompanist gets paid so I know what to charge. it looks like I'll find out about all of an accompanist's responsibilities this way, also...

Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. (Joshua 1:7) Biblos.com link

What's on the receipt?

Ahhh, I'm quite TIRED!!
I ran outside again today, just around the house, but at least a mile without stopping. I am really weak and pathetic, so that is a lot for me! Hopefully I will lose weight soon. I think I might be gaining, because of easter candy and me... not... restricting myself!

Don't think about it, Cara.

I just looked at my closet.

But I don't want any chocolate or candy, I'm full. I ate, and I can go get more food, like CARROTS, when I'm hungry.

Okay! Okay.

I also played DDR, and did fifteen kanji! Tomorrow I plan on practicing piano longer than an hour.

Piano is so much fun lately. I only recently found out that a person can find sheet music, like for voice or piano, online. Sheet music for vocaloid songs! Sheet music for anime openings!

IT'S AMAZING. I have a beautiful piano piece for Kuroshitsuji, a very difficult vocaloid piece called "Dolls", and the opening music for Romeo X Juliet the anime! (You raise me up.) Those are the ones I'm working on right now, but I found about thirty others. It's crazy fun, and it's gotten me to practice my classical piano music more, too.

Mom and Teddy and Nate went to Red Robin today and stuffed ourselves with gardenburgers, among other things. The ice cream was good! But I also thought of something while I was there.

Since I don't get out much.... Um... anyway, since I don't, it always makes me happy when I go places with other people. It makes me want to have a life, you know, like a job in a busy place, where I'm part of the system, like, something in the city would be nice. I especially like nice aesthetics, but that is hard to come by, so it's just a wish.

I was thinking to myself-- when I go to look for a job, I shouldn't be all self-doubting and feel like I don't deserve a job because I won't be good at it or like it's going to be hard, blah blah blah. I should just imagine the happy part-- like what I can see from this end of it, when I was eating out with my family. I should think of it as a fun thing, a new part of life that will become good and enjoyable. That's why I should make sure to get a job that actually WILL be fun, and not just take the first one I see ♥

Note.

note to self! Play Chopin: Prelude #15 In D Flat, Op. 28/15, "Raindrop"

is it in my preludes book?

Enjoyable day!

Today I didn't do much at all, except think about what I could do, and plan things.

That can be good, too!

I watched a lot of anime, though! The latest episodes of bleach, a new one -- welcome to NHK -- and plenty of others.

I got together my piano books and got Teddy to show me what pieces I should be learning so he and I can play concertos together. He plays violin, see, and I play piano, so it's a pretty good deal when you want to learn how to be an accompanist. I will probably get the best experience I can by preparing this way. I wrote those pieces down in my new (purple) piano notebook, and I'm getting a little excited about it.

I spent time taking care of myself, washing my face and dressing up. I put together this really weird outfit with random clothes I found-- a soft brown scarf on my neck, a long floaty purple tank-sleeve hawaiian-print dress with brown buttons down the front, and a length down to the mid-calf. On top of the dress I wore a red camisole, since the dress is really baggy (kind of like wearing a giant floating pillowcase) and then a black studded belt around the waist.

I'm going to try making my entries more specifically day-entries, like, "here's how my day went" as a record, of sorts. Instead of blabbering on about what I want to change about my actions, I'll only write down something really inspirational or the truth about my daily activities. The other habit-changing, thinking-changing stuff, I'll refrain from writing and instead actually DO it. I think that's a problem-- I've been writing down, "aw yeah, this is important, I'm doing this wrong, TOMORROW I'll do that and that and this and that..." but I don't actually MEAN any of it. So either I do it or I don't, but I don't need to write down what isn't true.

I also talked more (this evening) with my dad about career stuff. My mom got in a few interjections, and I didn't do well to keep from arguing, but it wasn't bad. Slowly, slowly, I will figure this out.

New Excitement!

I'm really excited. I think I believe I can do this now. :) (Did that sound sure at all? :)

I've been so worried about making enough money in my career, that I haven't considered picking what I WANT to do. I need to stop thinking that way! I won't be rich, and that's OKAY. I'll learn how to find clothes that are nice without spending tons of money, and I don't need to live in an city with high living-costs or have a fancy apartment. I'll go to colleges that are less costly and I'll work my butt off for scholarships, grants, and good grades. I'll get low-interest loans only. I won't buy things I don't need, I'll do my own pedicures and spa treatments, and I'll exercise outsides instead of paying for a club membership. I'll save money carefully for a used car that runs well, but I'll use a bike to go places close-by. I won't color my hair and I'll be stingy with cosmetics and shampoo. I'll buy cheaper fruits, eat oatmeal for breakfast, make my own wheat bread, munch on rice, and drink filtered water instead of buying soda, juice, or coffee.

I'm going to play the piano to my heart's content, explore new languages, revel in knowledge I get from school, take pride in my work ethic, read the Bible for devotions, and learn to sing and dance with confidence and peace in my heart.