Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Revelation Review... Deja vu again!

I get really inspired when I haven't slept. Like, I can think - STRAIGHT - and it feels really good. It's like the entire day is weighing on me, and I can handle all of it, because I feel calm and ready to forget about it any second... like I don't care because as long as I get to go to sleep for sure, I can make it. But so often at ten pm at night, I think, I don't want to go to bed. But there isn't a solution to this problem besides just making yourself go to sleep. I just never want to until morning. Isn't that silly? It's just my messed up schedule, I think. I'll bet not very many people have this problem! Because I could control and fix it if I really wanted to. I think I'm just being selfish.

Anyway, I wrote down some good stuff in my Daynotes on my PC and I wanted to put it in here in case I lost it. It's really good. I want to follow these things and actually change these habits. I emphasize "actually" because often I make lists, but if I don't really put my whole heart into them while I'm writing it, AND if I don't go back and re-read it, I don't end up changing that habit. I've changed a few of my habits with list writing, so I won't give up yet. So here's the most important thing: I have to go back and re-read this list, so I have it on a shortcut on my desktop. We'll see! Read it, it's good, though it may not apply to you. :) Really, if you don't have "self-control" problems, you can't relate to me in this way, but if some of this applies to you, you should think about it because these changes can be good. But.. haha... what do I know?!


" because I can't keep perspective, and I can't depend (or won't let myself depend) on other people to help me fix my perspective, I have to FIND a way to do it myself. REMEMBER: feelings are AWESOME, but they don't dictate logic. Watch out, feelings are also very foolish. That's what I mean about maintaining perspective. I let my feelings wash me away like a river, and sometimes I realize too late that I should have walked upstream to swim down an entirely different river. Here's a possible plan:

have rules for myself that I KNOW, if I break them, I will probably lose control.

SCHEDULE STUFF - wholeheart to change
1. watch anime as much as I want, but get other things done first, that are on this list. In order to do that, I need to have a list that I write down what I have to get done each day.

2. Get the major things I need to get done, each day, first. That includes work, chores, meals, study, and spiritual communication hahaha, no really. COMMUNICATING WITH _GOD_.

If I write a list for each day, it will keep my tasks in perspective so I don't put it off till later and never get it done. I have to push myself in order to be successful, because I am foolish and I forget that my life now is just a dying thing.

3. Get the things on this list done BEFORE breaks, including everything. I have to learn how to survive a day, because once I get distracted, it's hard to pull back and I'm capable of holding out longer. When I  need a rest, take a PEACE break (some other way than with entertainment) then MOVE ON and get more done. I can be MORE efficient this way. Use imagination to keep myself happy and moving, as if someone else is pushing me, when really, it's just me!

4. When I do allow myself to watch anime, I have to keep a watch of the time, no matter what my excuse is for not being aware of it, it is TOO possible. So I need to be aware of all my scheduled important things, and stop my relaxation and remember that life is just as fun, but sometimes I forget because it's not ideal in the same way, so I need to grow a better imagination. Don't force myself, have FUN. Also, get ABSORBED in each task, one task! I only need imagination to START with, then I can let my feelings taking me away.

RULES-TO-NOT-BREAK STUFF - simple things to keep
1. when I eat, it should be something that mostly involves hands-on preparation and gathering, not microwaving, and preferably less packaging. At least 50% of all content should be something I cook or cut.

2. when I eat, I should study - READING - or nothing. only snacks and drinks are for TV and entertainment, and I should get used to doing less of that, too. keep a book upstairs that I read with food, and a book downstairs that I'm studying, too. That way I can study multiple things at once, like I always want, and I won't forget where I leave my books.

3. exercise daily. this is a variable thing in that it can be done in a lot of ways, so just do one of them, and make sure to get tired and loosened up. evening is better, and try to go to bed right after, but if not, make sure to calm down and have eaten before bedtime.

4. keep a bedtime, and stick to it with lights out and everything. Use calming methods and anticipate when they will be needed instead of realizing three hours later that I should have taken a sleeping pill or listened to music.

5. instead of watching two hours of anime, watch less and study japanese first. I just have to make myself do it, because if I don't do it daily I'll never learn all the kanji.

day looks like this, with details and check-mark signs beside...
(homework)(take time to be beautiful)(prayer)
class
work
chores
study
japanese
exercise
bedtime - pick one!
[T1]read this list and update. D-A-I-L-Y, PM esp. I get to order ピーチガール in 175!!!!!!! fourteen days later..."

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