Peace today.

Good news. Test cancelled! YIPPEEE!!!! Unfortunately that means I will have to find time to study.

Whoa. Do you ever get deja vu sometimes, where you see something that you are sure you saw before? For me, it's scene in my life, or a picture, like what you might see in a movie where the camera pans over objects in one's line of sight. It happens to me sometimes where I see stuff that I am sure I've seen before... perfectly. Sometimes that makes me think that those prophecies you find in the Bible, where God gives people visions of the future, (which I believe he gives us to instill HOPE) are along these same lines as these deja vu thingies. That maybe these stupid seemingly useless pictures of the future are snippets or bits of what we might see as time but actually is already in place, like a timeline already drawn out. God is outside of this timeline. No, pre-determinism does NOT exist, and our decisions DO matter. God gave humans the power of making decisions so we could choose whether or not we want to love him. If we don't, then he won't force us. Time was created to keep pre-determinism from being an issue. The fact that we can make decisions is proof that pre-determinism doesn't exist. WE ARE INSIDE TIME, SO ARE DECISIONS ARE REAL! What we can't understand--which is God's alpha-omega perspective of our "time"-- is not something we can ever attempt to analyze. We can't expect to comprehend it, because we are ignorant of it. (Don't tell me you understand God's perspective. You can't.) Right, okay. Off topic~! There's an example in which my spontaneity is unhampered by Adderall.

ANYWAYS. I wanted to say that the difference when I don't take the meds is big. I didn't take them Sabbath or Sunday. Mistake! I mean, it was fine, and actually I was glad I did, because it gave me a chance to exercise my focus muscle.... But, it was funny how I kept getting distracted from my homework readings by unrelated thoughts. Also, I didn't get the things I needed most to get done (the priorities) because I didn't plan anything. I wasn't sure where to start because I didn't think of what was most important to start first and how long each thing would take and therefore how long I should spend on it, etc. etc.... Blegch.

Here we go. Next time I decide (or hopefully decide) not to take medication, I need to thoroughly plan my day and finish things time-wise--within certain hours-- so that I can do a little of everything that is a priority.

TOMORROW, I have an interview with a medical school representative!!! He is going to let me know how possible or impossible my medical school goal is. I am nervous, but only slightly (I'm mostly relieved), like that I won't explain myself well and he won't understand what I'm trying to say. That would be bad, because if I represent myself incorrectly, it will be difficult for the interviewer to actually determine the truth about this very important subject!!!

I think I had better remember to pray about it. For me, praying is a solid way to solve problems--it's like talking to a friend who has very logical reasoning and can give you straight answers. You know, guy logic! -- when they say, "Well, it's either left or right". Guy logic is super helpful to me. My own logic is very illogical and convoluted.

Something else. Today, as often before tests, I remember to feel peaceful about my schedule. I mean, I'm always feeling upset, and out of time, when it comes to getting the various tasks I need to get done. I don't always set aside time for getting homework done, and when I get to the deadline and I'm not done with the homework, I'm like, OH NO!!! HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED AGAIN.... sob sob sob (like yesterday:). So. Here's what I am going to do about it, since I have now SEEN THE ANSWER... mooha ha HA HA HAAA HAAA just-kidding-okay... like this: (these aren't goals, just numbered bullets)

1. go to classes, then...
2. do 1-2 study hours (2 if time) for each class period. (1 hour is only if I have something really important that day or afternoon, like this week I have a lot of chemistry to catch up on so it's going to be a small amount of time for each class.)
3. practice 3 hours of piano in the morning, and other free hours I happen to have while in the FAC.

Yup. It's going to be PERFECT! YAY! he he he... i'm giggling to myself. No. Not out loud. I'm at the library. I get that way I think when I'm not stressed, which probably sounds like I'm going nuts or breaking down. It's just a good feeling to be like, "everything's going to be okay." or "it's all going to work out". I think that would be a good mentality to have. All the time. But is it possible?... peace!