My roommate, Ishva, fascinates me. She's a freshman, and I'm a junior, so there's a maturity level difference that is very interesting to me. I know, this sounds like I'm a psychologist and I'm analyzing her. At least, the way she reacts to my attempts to communicate with her make me feel this way.
When I ask her how her day was, or why she doesn't like worships, or why she isn't feeling talkative--you know, just open to chit-chat-- she doesn't give me details. Kind of like a guy, or someone who's closed off socially and doesn't want to create a close relationship with someone. Immediately this is odd to me because there are other times when we really connect-- I mean, REALLY. And it just feels so good to talk and laugh with someone sometimes! So, it bothers me when she shuts herself off like that to me. So I try to think of why she changes moods so dramatically. People who don't want to share themselves--their personality or deep soul-feelings or what-have-you--either are afraid of getting too close and then getting hurt, or... I don't know what else. There are probably other reasons, I mean it is a complicated issue, but I don't know much about what they might be.
Anyway, I suppose I'm just pushing too much for responses from Ishva and she simply considers me annoying. Before I stop to think, "I should leave her alone," (being as that is all she wants) my first reaction is that I must have an uncomprehending, insensitive attitude toward others, which leads me to push farther, analyze out loud, second-guess that what she says to me as being a cover for more negative feelings (which honestly I think she's pretty out of touch with), and make jokes, and get a happier and happier attitude in hopes that it will somehow rub off. Ironically this is exactly the opposite of what Ishva would ever need from me, and only makes the situation worse. Sigh.
But every time I get to this point in analysis of Ishva, I remind myself that she is a freshman, and that is how freshman are suppose to be--immature, possibly even self absorbed... etc., etc. Ishva has time! I am expecting waaaaay too much out of someone who has a lot of growing up ahead of her. It's really no big deal at all. I try too hard to solve problems that will be solved with time.
The real problem is this: I need to accept that if a person wants to have a bad day, be unsocial, and therefore shut his or her friends out of their personal thoughts and feelings, there is no way to reach them until they allow you to. They have to make their own choice to let someone in... either that, or be in such a weak state that their walls have broken down.
When I ask her how her day was, or why she doesn't like worships, or why she isn't feeling talkative--you know, just open to chit-chat-- she doesn't give me details. Kind of like a guy, or someone who's closed off socially and doesn't want to create a close relationship with someone. Immediately this is odd to me because there are other times when we really connect-- I mean, REALLY. And it just feels so good to talk and laugh with someone sometimes! So, it bothers me when she shuts herself off like that to me. So I try to think of why she changes moods so dramatically. People who don't want to share themselves--their personality or deep soul-feelings or what-have-you--either are afraid of getting too close and then getting hurt, or... I don't know what else. There are probably other reasons, I mean it is a complicated issue, but I don't know much about what they might be.
Anyway, I suppose I'm just pushing too much for responses from Ishva and she simply considers me annoying. Before I stop to think, "I should leave her alone," (being as that is all she wants) my first reaction is that I must have an uncomprehending, insensitive attitude toward others, which leads me to push farther, analyze out loud, second-guess that what she says to me as being a cover for more negative feelings (which honestly I think she's pretty out of touch with), and make jokes, and get a happier and happier attitude in hopes that it will somehow rub off. Ironically this is exactly the opposite of what Ishva would ever need from me, and only makes the situation worse. Sigh.
But every time I get to this point in analysis of Ishva, I remind myself that she is a freshman, and that is how freshman are suppose to be--immature, possibly even self absorbed... etc., etc. Ishva has time! I am expecting waaaaay too much out of someone who has a lot of growing up ahead of her. It's really no big deal at all. I try too hard to solve problems that will be solved with time.
The real problem is this: I need to accept that if a person wants to have a bad day, be unsocial, and therefore shut his or her friends out of their personal thoughts and feelings, there is no way to reach them until they allow you to. They have to make their own choice to let someone in... either that, or be in such a weak state that their walls have broken down.
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