Random Daily Entry!

You know how people talk about "creative outlet"s? Well, TV is not a creative outlet. It's a creative INLET. Which means you're being lazy.

I love TV. I don't want to be lazy. But I am. Urrrg.

This is a really random post.

Anyway, here are my "goal-activities" I want to keep thinking about. Also below that I'll type my... "life-points".

1) Pray 
2) Beauty
3) FAT loss 
4) Bible 
5) Music 
6) Language

1. Pray. Talk to God about stuff, never shut him out, and when I do, tell him I'm sorry. Ask if I'm doing wrong things. Talk to him in the morning and at night, and during the day. Most of all, remember he has a PLAN for my life and I'm being silly by worrying about all this career-picking, as if it's solely my responsibility!!!

2. Beauty: I need to start taking care of myself, and considering "looks" important, instead of telling myself they're not. If I do that, I'm denying how I feel. I DO think looks are important. This probably sounds dumb to other people, but I grew up thinking it was really really "bad" to be "vain"... and looking at yourself in the mirror, and taking to long to make yourself pretty, and all that. For some reason, it's important to me-- a LOT. So I'm going to make it my number 2 goal :) Like, when I WALK OUT OF MY ROOM I should be happy with how I look, or even, ALL the time.

3) FAT loss: well, what it sounds like. I'm trying to be more negative-- or... TRUTH-TELLING-- about it in order to take it seriously. :) TAKE IT SERIOUSLY!!! Eat healthier, listen to my stomach, and exercise!

4) Bible: studies! Read SOMETHING each day.

5) Music: more studies. Enjoy it! This includes piano practice and theory, both. Dividing them is dumb, they're one and the same. Practice and study theory!

6) Language: my third study thing. Have fun!! This includes Japanese (now) and Spanish, which I haven't started yet, but need to finish before Japanese. Five characters and Spanish verbs!


Lifepoints!
A. Other people. Always care about other people's feelings more than mine. If I do that wholly, then my feelings will BE theirs, and I WILL be happy. Other people are what my life is about-- but that's just my opinion. :) If I don't do this, I am normally very selfish. So it won't hurt a thing.

B. Me. Draw a line for MY boundary and the location of other people's boundaries. Before I care for others, I have to take care of myself to some extent or I'll be on the street after giving my belongings to the poor. That doesn't do any good for myself OR others. You get what I mean, right?

So even though other people's feelings come first, in the most basic way I do have to care for myself first, or I won't be able to be there for others in the way that really is necessary. I want to be someone with family and friends who can depend on me, and vice versa. I'm now on my way to become that person, but I'll probably not ever be perfect, so I shouldn't stand around "waiting" for something. I have to GO for it, and enjoy the moment, as well as the thought of the future.

ONE MORE THING! I'm not trying hard enough. I'm not going through any pain in my life-- and even though this sucks-- it's true that through suffering and hardship you will get good things. I need to study in order to be happy in my life, with a career (and a way to support myself). I've been saying I need to create a schedule. And I have done that, but I don't take it very seriously, and when I don't get it done, I don't worry about it. NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! I have to make this HARD on myself and get PASSIONATE when I don't do well. I'm the type of person who is really GOOD at beating herself up. x_x  So why don't I take advantage of that? Because I listen to all those people who say, "Take it easy!" or "Don't be so hard on yourself!" Well, I'm not listening to them anymore. When I do those things, that's when I fail. I am a natural PERFECTIONIST and a WINNER, not someone who forgives herself for a failure that didn't need to happen! I'm going to try harder now.

Well... there was some rambling for you! I will be re-reading this later, though, because it's coming from my heart. I really want to change these things.