Explaining my family situation again!

My mom and I fight a lot, because--I think-- that we both don't know our boundaries. I mean personal boundaries-- as in-- we don't know when to stop giving advice to one another-- when to stop pushing and leave the other alone-- but we also don't know how to ignore each other and feel secure in our choices and actions. It's stupid things that cause the fights, but the fights are serious, and involve tears, talk of moving out, and other serious threat-making.

For instance, I will go to the bathroom door and ask for toiletry items and my towel. My mom is using the bathroom, however, and clearly states she wants me to leave her alone with her privacy. She also mentions she needs some items from the other bathroom upstairs. I blatantly ignore her and try to find a way to explain that I need my items, but she interrupts so that she can't hear what I need, saying, "Leave me alone, I need my privacy." I also have a question about where her mousse (hair product) is, because she asked for it, but I never get to asking her because she can't trust me to leave her alone and so she doesn't listen-- she feels out of control and thinks the only option to regain control is to force me to leave. The other bathroom upstairs is useable, but my clothes are in the bathroom she is occupying, and I can't finish my tasks without the items in the bathroom. I'm irritated and I want her to listen, so I keep arguing, and she throws things at the door angrily. She's good at being stubborn. I think she should listen, but I also know that she's stubborn, and that I could never get her to actually listen, so why do I keep arguing? I've chalked it up to my own bad habits-- that I need to change in order for her to be happy, because she's not going to change for me.

It's like, she is the mother in the house, so she can tell me what to do. But I try so hard to be independent anyway. Also, I'm irresponsible about getting up on-time in the morning, and she and my dad want me to stop doing that. So while I'm trying to develop my own boundaries and do things my own way without worrying about what others think, I have to be careful to do whatever they want to keep them happy with me-- and they are quite particular at times. They can't just accept when I make my own choices, they want too badly to guide me. If I am to stay here in their house, I have to follow their directions, and so I do my best, but every once in a while my bad habits leak out past their ability to tolerate it, and it causes an argument because I can't just keep my opinion quiet. It frustrates me that I can't remember to hold my tongue, but at the same time, it's unfair that I'm treated this way when I'm old enough to be who I want. Even more, I'm old enough to fix the problem.

See, I'm doing this to myself. I don't have to live in this situation-- I can move out. But I love my family, and I want to stay here, so I keep expecting them to change, to somehow trust me enough to learn from my mistakes and make my own choices instead of guiding me. But I could leave, and I could do all that without them trying to guide me in the first place. Really, my choices are:

1) leave so I can do whatever I want in my own apartment, OR

2) get used to listening to what they say, and not being listened to myself, and never letting my temper get ahead of me and starting an argument.

I like option two best, although it sucks how I have to do everything they say. It's not so great. I wish they could learn to treat me with more respect as I get older, but I have to pretend I'm a teenager still, and listen to them, because I don't want to have to pay rent in my own apartment-- that's a lot of money when I'm trying to pay for my own education. It's hard, I just don't feel happy with the situation because I went and made them mad again.

The problem is, I really am irresponsible and immature sometimes. Or lazy, you could say. So they kind of have a right to get upset with me. But at the same time, I think that without them bugging me, I would eventually do something productive in the first place, but they never give me the chance to because they are so often trying to help me.

And my immaturity/irresponsibility is what I need to explain, so that I acknowledge that I do have some problems I need to work on if I'm going to be happy in life, and able to support myself. Read my post, I had a bad night! Part two.