Void, Darkness.

School is scary. My assignments stop me in my tracks. I feel like I'm in darkness, or worse, a void of nothing-- and I simply don't want to try to find my way out. I'm hiding in the corner, pressed up against a wall, curling myself around my legs, pretending I don't exist.

But the logical truth is that all I have to do is stand up, and I'll feel the trapdoor right above my head, shutting out the light-- but if I stood up, I would bump my head and the light, blinding, bright, and sudden, would tell me where I was.

So here I am, struggling, and I thought that eventually I wouldn't have confusing thoughts in my life and I wouldn't have the need to complain and worry about every little thing. But I guess that's just how I am! I like to worry about the details. In some ways, that helps me in life.

But I have to accept that taking classes is GOING to feel like this to me-- why would it have changed? I just WANT to avoid things that I "make" myself do. I haven't reached the point where I stop feeling like someone's making me do it-- all I'm doing at school is EXPLORING (i.e. learning) and it is NOT something to be scared of (and therefore avoid).

How can I remind myself to keep from avoiding and being scared for no reason? I'm trying so hard, but I'm pushing in the wrong direction.