Slow progress update....

I have the schedule down, but it's hard to do things I feel like I'm not capable of. Plus, my teachers imply (i think?) that it's my fault that I don't do well in school--like I don't WANT to do well, and I'm doing it on purpose. It's hard to accept that from my piano teacher, who makes me cry every time I go to my lesson, so I think, maybe he's just a jerk and I need to ignore him... and yet, that's what he says is exactly my problem--I'm not letting him teach me--and I'm being stubborn by refusing to do the things I need to do in order to be successful (i.e. practicing the piano and recording practice hours). My counselor says there's some huge, unknown thing that I haven't noticed. Am I just being stubborn this whole time? Is that what it is that I'm missing???!!

My excuse to Dr. Merlin is that I haven't been able to do those things... because... because... this is the part where he might be right. I can't see what kind of viable excuse I have. Maybe I just am being stubborn for no reason.

I need to look at all this work I've set before myself and imagine myself finishing it. I want to be capable, and I'm putting myself in a position of risk-taking where it's necessary that I succeed, so if that's really what I want, I've got to quit trying to stop myself and just go for it.