Question1: Why don't just I get things done?

This new post is the first part for the two questions I discovered today in my time of English-final-skipping-disaster. I didn't want the title to be too long, and even though I'm writing them both at the same time, I think there's two root problems and they will be better understood separately. My thoughts aren't organized, but in my diary blog, they can be through the enablement of data copy and paste! :)

♥ I didn't think of this question until I thought of the one below. I realized that a person can still get things done without a desire to actually do those things. Many people do it. I really need to figure out how to do that, whether I'm HAPPY in life or NOT. So I said, "Why don't just I get things done?"

♥ Question The first thing I thought of was actually, "why do I want to escape?" Then I noticed my feelings really are more akin to "why do I want to die?" (I didn't use that 'cause it sounds suicidal:) Knowing why I don't want to live could take me to a place where I am happy and fulfilled with truth instead of a lived lie where I don't feel purpose or do things blindly for no reason. This post explains why I don't WANT to do the work I need to do, and how I can solve it. It's really a totally different issue. It will be hard to focus on both of these issues at the first time.

Here, I will explain the answer to this first (because it's most essential) question.

QUESTION: "Why don't I get things done?"

I can argue that I don't get things done because I don't want to, but that's still an excuse. What ABOUT doing things that you don't want to do? There are plenty of people who do things that they don't want to do IN ORDER TO GET TO A PLACE THEY WANT TO BE. So it DOES have to do with desire, but it also means climbing over hills you wouldn't have climbed for fun-- in order to get to the place you want to be. And that means you're doing things you don't want to do, in that moment at least.

OKAY, I'LL TRY ANSWERING: You can say "Just do it" - it's Nike - but there's a deeper meaning in that deceptively rock-heavy phrase is the following. I've tried zillions of times to "just do it" but when you can't "just do it" you have to tell yourself again, "just do it" and then muster up your courage, drop everything else, and START that one thing you need to start. "Just do it" is a good phrase for athletics, where the starting is a a fast, fierce, spark of force. But there's a difference when it comes to my studies. I'm not to the point where I have practiced and have ability to improvise, in the moment, at my best ability. Instead of using "just do it" to imply that I need to be good at studying immediately, I need to use "just do it" to start PRACTICING. This
practicing will not be my ending best, but it is my in-the-moment best. It is my consistency that can lead me to heal so I can do my best when it is time that I must do my best--like in a game, or when I meet someone I want to get married to, or when I'm doing a surgery. It's those times that the consistency of studying, practicing, and making wise decisions in the times they must be made - "just do it".

This is the point where I'm still unable to fully believe that I can do anything. That's why I'm always telling myself to believe in myself. I'm like Kahoko in La Corda d'Oro. Kahoko can play well on her violin for two reasons: she has a natural affinity for music, and the violin has a magical spell on it to make it so she knows what to play next as if she had been practicing violin for years. But when the magic spell on the violin breaks, Kahoko becomes a person with potential to play violin with prowess and great expression, but she can not actually do it because she has not practiced on a real violin and does not have the physical ability. So towards the end of the season (I haven't seen past this part) Kahoko must begin practicing with consistency, while ignoring the pain of the fact that her ability has gone down the tubes. When you can't do something, but you have the potential to do something, you have to practice.

I need to use "just do it" to start PRACTICING....

QUESTION: "How do "just do" the things you don't want to do?"

(My counselor would be so disappointed to hear this, not because it's wrong, but because we've talked about it for over and over for weeks.)

If I could just do things, I would be simple getting them done. (Duh?) Disregarding my feelings. It's like a slave to righteousness in the Bible--you do what you must, no questions asked, because it's necessary, and it's right--not because it's fun. In this case, I'm a slave to survival--being a slave in order to GET THINGS DONE THAT HAVE TO BE DONE. HAVE is the key word here. It's like Ichigo says in his battle with Ulquiorra (and has said in many other battles) that I will take to heart:

Ulquiorra: Why do you not drop your sword?

Do you still believe you can defeat me despite the
clear difference in our strength?

Ichigo: Who cares...who's stronger?

Did you think I'd give up...because you're
stronger than me?

I knew you were strong from the start.

Showing off you strength now won't change
a damn thing!

I'll beat...you, Ul-Ulquiorra...

Ulquiorra: Nonsense.

Kurosaki Ihigo, those are the words of a man
ignorant of true despair.

Allow me to educate you.

Behold true despair.

Ichigo: (wide eyes, sitting on his knees, green-black
reiatsu flies everywhere)

Ulquiorra: Resurreccion,

Segunda Etapa.

I am the only Espada that has developed a
second release.

Even Aizen-sama has not seen me in this form.

Despite this, you still have the will to fight?

(To audience) He is not confused. He still
feels the fear.

But he clearly hasn't resigned himself to
death, either.

Does he still believe he can win?

(to Ichigo) Very well. I will turn your body
to dust if that's what it takes.

Ichigo: (pulls on hollow mask)

Ulquiorra: You're a fool, Kurosaki Ichigo.

You hope to fight and defeat an opponent whose
strength is so great, it terrifies you.

That's incomprehensible.

If you are doing this because you have a soul, then
souls do nothing but injure humans.

You will die because of your soul.

Ichigo: I'm not fighting because I WANT to win.

I'm fighting because I HAVE to win!

ANSWER: "Just do it". Begin. It is no more complicated than that, except that you HAVE to. The only thing holding me back is NOT whether I don't want to or not. That is a different issue--one I should address--but it is a useless excuse. I CAN STILL DO SOMETHING EVEN IF I DON'T WANT TO. I won't be a "slave" who deserves pity; I'll be a girl who does what she needs to. The key here is this: The only thing holding me back is this excuse I make up: "there's something holding me back."

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