Realistic Conversation with my Poppy

I just got off the phone with my Daddy. It's incredibly discouraging, at first. The things he says are not cruel, but they, simply, are true. But then, I realized that it's not discouraging, it's just that I've acknowledging the realistic problem, and it's scary to look at it so bare.

spent $$$ on school + bad results (in grades) = big-fat-depressing-waste-of-time

So: first, I need to take control, figure out what I need to do, and stop pretending I can't. Whatever it is I'm capable off, I need to start using that to accomplish things, and then not say, "oh I"ll try harder next time" but "I did my best."

Spend less money if possible, but get the education I need.

Look to God for answers - this whole time, I've been pursuing my career selfishly - I want to be a doctor for the status and power it will bring me - and perhaps this shows why my desire to be a doctor is not backed-up by solid reasons.

Practically, this means:

1. DO MY BEST: do well in whatever I do this summer - take the schedule I design for myself dead-serious, because in reality it always was. Do my best by balancing activities and doing the important things first!!! Admit that when you don't do well, this is a direct result of your own doings, and that you can't fix things you've already done.

2. LOOK TO GOD FOR GUIDANCE: study the Bible for answers instead of wondering, and pray for guidance and peace and wisdom (etc.) in the morning, in the evening before bed, at least ten to fifteen minutes. Search for: what I'm good at, what God needs me to do in my life, how he can use me, what's realistic and what's delusional about my goals.***

3. DECIDE FUTURE EDUCATIONAL PATH: consider, if I decided my current career path is still a good choice, going to college from home, where there will be no rent and I could attend a university and take Biology and Chemistry and 4 credits of piano.

and there you go. Er, me. Here I go.

***oh yeah--you know that thing I was talking about earlier--that my counselor says I might be missing something really important? I think this is it: I've been trying to force myself to "like" studying and become someone who I'm not. As in, maybe I shouldn't be doctor; maybe I'm trying to be a person like that because of the idea it creates of myself in my head, and really, I'm just not accepting myself as I am. Doing this a little longer now that I understand, and now that I realize I need God's help to become someone more interested in studying, is something I want to give another try. BUT, I NEED TO CONSIDER the fact that maybe, I'm trying to be someone who should choose a more laid-back career in which I can do something I am passionate enough about that I am more self-motivated than I am in my current endeavors (studying :/ .)