Mom and Dad's advice

I'm always worrying about how my parents want to help me too much. But I need to look at it from a different angle! Even though they give me advice, they understand that I don't have to do what they're advising me-- they just want to say the right things to me that allow me to make my own decisions and keep from putting pressure on me. I don't have to worry and make it all complicated-- they love me and want me to be happy-- so it's actually pretty simple.

And it certainly wouldn't hurt for me to allow them to help me once in a while. If I never depend on anyone, it means that I have to do everything myself, and that makes everything so much harder that it all might be too much, eventually.

I'm going to counseling today and I thought I should write down some of what I might should talk about in the session. Mom and me were talking about this contract that we're making-- it's to get me to think of things with a bit of a deadline, because I haven't yet obtained a newer/better job. I need one, because I'm not using my time wisely and making money for school, which was supposed to be the point of taking time off from it.

At first, I thought I needed some time off, even if it was a lot, and that it was good for me. But now I guess I'm realizing that I've come to the point where that's not necessary anymore, and if I say it is, then I'm being too easy on myself. "Time off" for several months is too much-- it's not like somebody died. Anyway, it's not going to help me lose weight or do any other things that will help me gain confidence. Confidence comes from trying AGAIN and aiming to be successful, not from resting. Haha!

I'm writing this because while Mom and I were talking about the contract, she happened to show me an email from my counselor to her (now I realize I should have said earlier, "Hey that's private, I'm not going to read that" but it didn't matter because I learned something good. It was obvious, but good.

My counselor wrote something like, "Sara's biggest problem is that she procrastinates." And then something else about me having "since June 22 to obtain full-time employment" and "...six months".

Well, it's true. That's a long time. I'm being silly. Time to fix things! I feel stupid! Urrrrg. :...[

So it's true, though. It's not like I didn't know I procrastinate, but I just... don't accept it as reality and deal with it like it's reality. I want to fix this way that I think, because it's somewhat dysfunctional. I would like to apologize for being weird, but then I remember that everybody has weirdness and I just happen to be writing about and trying to fix my weirdness, and that's nothing but good.

I'm going to try and go about it the right way. Here are my goals that I've re-done, coming from a perspective that these are my daily activities, which I should do often, all the time, and A LOT!

Things I do.

work (accompany wkends, CNA wkdays)

homework (1-2 classes)

clean house productively, sparklingly.

exercise (dance, regular, run) a lot

[studies: as needed and as possible] - Japanese and Spanish.

PLUS: Bible, Piano. (DAILY as possible)

So, like, kind of my goals to pursue and become used to incorporating into my life. Like, if I'm bored or don't know what to do next, I should be doing these things instead, or I go do them.

Important things to change my habits about: learn self control, to do the things that I don't always want to do, and stop procrastinating.

I'm going to write this down and take it when I go in to counseling!