Not breaking.

Hey, so I'm back, like I promised, see?

This is such a big hub-lub. I made that up. Not that it isn't true, but I don't think "hub-lub" means anything in the dictionary. Yeah... "hub-lub - no dictionary results". (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hub-lub)

I wanted to mention to myself, for future reference, that all those times that I want to avoid going to the library, in favor of staying in my room, I SHOULDN'T because I ALWAYS feel better after I've gone! At least, if I get something done. It must be the possibility of NOT getting something done that scares me. But I'm a RISK taker, I CAN'T let that scare me!!! BE STRONG, CARA! And everyone else who feels like giving up, even if it's "just this one time", it is NOW that's important!

Oh no, the bell. The library is closing in ten minutes. Let's see how much I can get out of the story I was going to tell you.

Okay. So I have an addiction. They didn't say, "You have to admit you have a problem" or anything but I know it's true. Ha ha. Cause how can you deal with something that you don't believe is an issue?

For instance, if you eat a yummy sandwich with onions and pepper-jack cheese and you don't brush your teeth, you breath may not be very nice-smelling. Then imagine-- everyone around you thinks you have bad breath, when you sit too close to them or if you breathe on them. So think about it: how are you ever going to get rid of your bad breath unless you admit, "Oh, well, yes I suppose I DO have onion breath. That is gross; I will go and brush my teeth now."

See? That's productive. Do something about it. But a girl who is addicted to something doesn't want to stop, at least, not on the surface. Deep down, the girl may want to go to medical school or be a better person or something, but she's putting it off until later-- she's PROCRASTINATING. And addiction is all about the surface emotions: what you're feeling RIGHT THAT SECOND is more important than the ultimate results. Eat cotton candy? Don't eat cotton candy? Well, it sounds good.... (and if you don't have any self-control or discriminatory ability to figure out whether it really IS a good idea, for instance, will you be helping your already-developing cavities to develop even more?). SURFACE EMOTIONS dictate your decisions when you're addicted to something. It sucks. It's like you don't ultimately have control where your life is going.

Of course, the good thing about all this is that you actually DO have control, even if not at all times, there are still a few decisions you can make that can keep you from careening into a tree and losing it completely until you are a LOSER. That's what I don't want to happen to me.

More later! We have to go now:)

Sorry, that wasn't very constructive blogging. Bye.

Wow, security guard was like, "just about finished?

later edit 21:24 October 13, 2010: I think it is really funny here, in the last sentence, I was not able to finish typing those quotes on the end of the sentence because the security guard was freaking me out. I don't like bugging people, and I was there when they needed to close up the library, and they were WAITING on me, and it made me... nervous. So that last sentence signifies that funny thing that was going on at the time I was writing this. :)