Epiphanies All Day!

Today, ALL OF A SUDDEN, when I was talking to my mom... I realized some things. And I became suddenly motivated, like, I don't know why!

I cleaned house after two o'clock, like A LOT. Lately I have not been able to clean for more than thirty minutes at a time. I just get tired, distracted, bored, or depressed about the fact that I'm about to quit, and then I quit. Which of course sounds silly to you, I'm supposing, but really, these feelings are very real. I've just lost my motivation so much!

I woke up at 8:45 this morning, which was certainly a helpful part of all this.

But I did fight with my mom today. It was avoidable, but somehow I didn't make it.

But I'm seeing a counselor AGAIN. It really is good, though, and I'm happy about the development, as embarrassed as I am to need counseling. But I accept it! It will really help me, so it is a good thing.

1. I have to start spending more time with my family. Invite them places (movies for my mom, paint-balling for my little brother, things like that) participate in activities that they enjoy (play video-games with my brother instead of complaining that he's boring or should do something else), and spend more time around the house instead of my room. When I am around my family, I should avoid wearing headphones. I can work on cleaning house more, and decorating for holidays, then playing music and having snacks out while I'm decorating so that it's fun and people want to join me. I say this because I think my mom, brother, and I are becoming more and more drawn to video and computer games and television in our own rooms-- secluded-- and so our relationships are falling apart because we don't have anything to base them on. (My dad's always at work 'till late at night, and he can't do anything about that.)

2. I want to listen and watch more carefully for other people's emotions. Pay attention to how they're feeling and speak (or don't) according to that. Don't take things personally, either. Be "professional" like I am at work, but at the same time, DO share my own feelings when other people want to listen. Remember there are boundaries! I can't try and tell other people how they need to be, because they'll understand better if they figure out things for themselves.

3. Find a job, pick some studies/activities (praying, japanese, spanish, working out, practicing piano) to actually focus on daily, start going to church, and go to bed early so that I can get up early. CHOOSE to do these things.