Enemy! Face Your Doubt to Conquer!

Dancing! I love dancing. I dance in my garage. It is a good workout. And now... to become skinnier! I'm going to have to eat less sugary things. *tears* Dancing helps me imagine. It's beautiful, and freeing, and wild.

I feel confused today. Should I keep thinking about using music as my career? Music, and language?

It's the best idea. It's what I like. I don't know why I would want to do something else. I am just so be-fuddled.

Okay. So what should a person do when she or he has recurring doubts? She quells her doubts, but the next day, the next month-- they come back. Like a stalker you previously had avoided, or spilled rice, or spray-and-wash on skin, doubt haunts through dark shadows. It breathes cold, scratchy fear down your back. I hate it. And yet, this should be something that a human can stop with her own hands, and her own mind. Why do I let doubt scare me so badly?


Maybe... I can fight it. If I thought of doubt as it truly is-- an opponent, my 敵-- I would have the will to fight it. Only when you admit you're afraid do you really find the strength to turn around and attack what was scaring you.

I have my own story, and I am the heroine. I must do my best to succeed. When I do, I won't feel like a different person-- because I'll always be Cara. That's me. My success is already inside me. My future is inside me. My dreams-- glowing orbs-- lights-- I can see them at the end of the mountain train tunnel. I can see the light, but I'm unaware of the landscape where the tracks lead. I CAN be beautiful, and loving, and share my dreams with others who can't find their own, just like I feel now. That's what I want to do....

Spend too much time trying to decide, and you become unable to remember what you finally did decide on. My brain feels like it's been in the toaster too long.

Or re-re-re-fried beans. Do they really fry those??

I'd better stop before I type anything more.