Guilt. Food. Anime.

I realized something earlier today.

It has to do with the fact that I've been losing weight lately. I believe that my new method is contributing to this fact. I'll tell you my method, but seriously-- this only works if you are the type of person who feels guilty when she eats something that could "make her fat".

I feel guilty a lot. In fact, I think guilt might be one of the most natural things that stir my emotions. But it doesn't necessarily make me feel MOTIVATED. It makes me feel kinda lousy. And when I feel lousy, or depressed, I eat chocolate or watch too much anime. That means I am not studying, exercising, going to work, or spending time with humans.

So I'm living here at home. My family knows I like anime, and I have in the past spent too much time on it. So even though it's something I love a lot, and I've decided to enjoy it even if other people look down on me, but I'm not successful at taking their criticism in a useful way. Everyday, they talk to me about this or that issue that I have. They give advice. My dad wakes me up in the morning, his face white and his voice angry, telling me what I need to do that day. If I'm relaxing it's best to do it somewhere hidden because it's hard to relax when people are talking to you about touchy subjects. I just can't get out of this atmosphere, mentally, and it's tough to stay sane.

So yeah, they're right that this isn't good, I admit it. Because I like life too. I love music and making money and getting educated and dancing and having friends to hang out with. But I can't be that kind of person if I feel guilty about everything "bad" that I do. 

I need to make decisions before I take an action. I will say, "hey, I'm going to do this now" and NOT feel guilty about it. I won't simply eat ice cream or watch anime out of habit-- I'll make the decision to take the time or calories. If I don't want to do it because it's not good for me, or because it's not the time, then I'll make the decision NOT to do this thing. But either way, I will do my best to smash any poisonous, irrational guilt with my sledgehammer until it is as flat as a snake on highway blacktop.

That's kinda how I'm losing weight, too-- while gentle-stretching and heart-pumping exercise is deathly important, it's very essential that I keep in mind at all times not to feel guilty when I splurge on a little something here or there. Because I allow myself to eat literally any food or snack that I want to, (unless I'm full) I am mostly able to eat healthy. I can splurge any time I want. I have self-control BECAUSE I'm not on a diet, I'm free! My decisions are up to me regarding sweets and meals, so I feel free to make good decisions, and it's EASY.

So because it's easy, I don't even have to think about it too hard, and I'm no longer focused on food. In the past, I would worry about my "diet" so that I felt like I needed to "fix" something, which led to me eating. I felt like eating something would help my diet.

I was worried-- and thinking about food all day, excited about my next meal, focusing on food BECAUSE of my diet. Now, I don't feel like I have a problem regarding food, and so my urge to eat in order to "fix" something isn't there.

Of course, it also is necessary to be occupied with something else besides losing weight for this to work, or you won't be able to stop thinking about your diet in the first place. Replace your "eating worry fix" with something else. I replaced it with exercising, piano, Japanese, or looking online for college classes in a nearby city.

And bla bla bla. Thanks for reading! :)