Trying, Giving Up, and Stars.

I sometimes get a big head and I stop trying so hard. It has to do with the way I practice the piano, or I change the way I dance, or think, or really ANYTHING that has to do with "trying".

I think, "wow, I did a good job!" and immediately, I stop trying to surpass who I am, and I am happy with myself.

I'm not sure how to explain that a person should accept herself, while at the same time, she mustn't stop trying to be better.

(It's like, when I want to lose weight, it's NOT because I don't ACCEPT myself! It's because while I do like who I am, I know I will like myself better if I have better blood pressure and health!)

But that's why they say humans are meant to have someone to look up to, a mentor, or an idol, or a god-- they are meant to "worship" some kind of "diety". And God says to us in the Bible that we should have HIM as our number one person that we look up to. God is like the ultimate mentor.

I'm talking about this because I am weird and I get really obsessed with things, whatever I'm into lately. It started with reading, where it was totally necessary to read every single book that I found interest in to start. The chronicles of narnia I remember especially, and Harry Potter was amazing too, and the House of the Scorpion, and probably a hundred others. Then I moved on to TV, which made less time for books. It started with Smallville, and another major milestone was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Now I like anime, and let me tell you! it takes up a lot of time :) But I do like it.

The only problem is, I'm a Christian, Seventh-day Adventist, and that means I recognize that my life, naturally, will only last for a certain amount of time and I might should be living for some kind of reason. Right? So my reason is God, and although you might say that's just what I've been "taught", it's what I believe as well.

I just get DISTRACTED sometimes. It's not like I have to get rid of the things I like, such as Anime. Certainly, God wouldn't mind if I dedicated myself to him even more, but if anime inspires me to learn Japanese and go to Japan and be some sort of Christian example there, God might actually want me to take this path anyway. That's what I'm thinking, at least.

But sometimes I worry that I'm putting my love of this world and material stuff and my interest succeeding at making money or in a career is... something I put BEFORE God. "You shall have no other gods before me".

Sometimes it's good to worry a little. What if you didn't worry at all and you effectively take the wrong path because you didn't think about your decisions?!

So I don't ever want to forget: I mustn't ever stop trying to surpass myself because I've become satisfied. I must be looking toward a "mentor" - mine is God because I think He's the best - and always shooting for the stars. It's when you stop and say to yourself, "good job" and "that's enough" at the same time, that you lose focus.

"Good job" might be okay by itself, but you can't say "that's enough" as well.

I can't just sit back with, "I'm done with that".

I won't be done until I'm dead.

After that, well I don't know the specific details on what happens, lol... :'|

And so, along with not giving up, I want to make sure I remember to use God as my wishing star, my to-shoot-for point, and to remember, at all times, that I might put other things before Him-- so I've got to watch for that!

Since I have the potential, eternally, to make mistakes right after I've promised myself I won't, losing my will to watch out for those things is dangerous.