*Important* ...wink wink... List

Something I should read carefully: don't worry about the number of items on the important list--only focus on doing as many of them as possible, or trying, or attempting, or starting them, or doing them as I can.

(IMPORTANT: try to get as many of these done as possible, but don't shy away from starting because there's so many items.)

lalalala font filler

2 bible verses MEM or REV

16 kanji, choose 30 when possible

piano X or piece, 1 hour, choose 3 hour when possible

theory: just do something

DS game - as much as I want. get computer out as I move on c/ new lessons, that way I won't get behind w/ note taking. 

...X...  SLEEP

certain task->certain part of day - begin late in day (for good or negative reasons) begin at the time of day (this is to be REASONABLE:) - I'm going to make an effort of this.

(less important: get done when and if I have time, really nice to get done, just not like... time-essential, at all.)

organizing music

reading for fun

editing Teddy's story
...okay I admit it... anime
there is other stuff in this cat. I can't think of; it's the fact that the cat. exists that's important, tho.

It won't hurt to push yourself, as long as you don't quit.

I'm studying a lot of kanji today.

:) This doesn't apply to actual damage, like a sore joint or torn muscle (exercise) or mental hurt (learning, communicating with others, death)

To think about. To accomplish, soon.

When I start thinking about or go to get a job, I need to remember these things:

1) It is O.K.A.Y. to take a break. I don't have to be embarrassed, and wonder what other people think, that they're probably wondering what is up and judging and analyzing and all that. I need to do what I need to do, and I have done and will do the right thing-- for the most part, I must think this way, not that it's correct, but that I can't get anywhere without this confidence.I took this break for my own good and it was VALUABLE.

2) come to terms with how I feel about my failures, my successes-- all that's in my past-- and my self. Write about how I feel, and why the negative things aren't true.

3) compare my life to anime, and imagine (realize :) that I am part of a story-- that will always make me feel better.

4) I am capable of many things; so choose a job to go after that I know I, Cara, can handle-- even more-- it should be a job I can do better than others.

5) when I start working, do one thing at a time. Doing a good job and maintaining relaxation and progress at home will be my first priority, next, come other things, like weight loss, and Japanese study, which I must carefully do one at a time, since weight loss really can take your whole day, so one at a time.

6) and so... make a list of jobs that I can do, that I like, that I'm really good at, and that will make money and not interfere with my home life and progress in a bad way.

7) just like with the anime imagination idea, remember that I'm doing this to fulfill my role of responsibility-- thinking of it this way reminds me that I am capable of holding a job and that I don't have to think otherwise.

8) don't sit back and plan it all. plan it with a goal of actually doing it, then actually do it. I have the ability to see it through, not just plan on seeing it through. I have to continue this quest until it's finished, and then it's on to new things: getting good at my job, then using the entire experience to progress in life, reaching my goals and all the things I need to do along with it.


9) watch out for waiting. Don't wait on getting a job when you should be doing. Start recognizing when I'm using excuses to avoid getting this job and making money for school.

10) think of my future as I do all this. look at the big picture; when you do that, you'll realize how silly it is to be self-conscious. This isn't all about my problems, this is about me. There is a huge difference.

Horrible Self-criticism. I think this whole time... that perhaps I've been doing something terrible to myself, all on my own. Perhaps-- I'm intimidating myself by belittling my intuition, my inspirations, the makeup of my soul that drives me to do what I do, and I sit back and say "that's boring! that's stupid! how embarrassing my actions are. what is that I'm doing? singing? yoga? dancing?! no one cares about what I write-- what is that, simple observation? making up music? dancing! wasting time on the internet looking at art! watching gay anime!  I look so foolish, so lazy, so frivolous! It's a total waste of time, I'm really quite a loser... I'M a waste of time! I'd better go get something better done, one day at a time, I'll try and be less pathetic, inching my way along....."


It's hard to believe I think stuff like this, but as I write it, I realize I really do feel this way deep inside. It sounds silly when I say it out loud, well, more terrible than silly-- how could I say these things to myself!?

Talk about negativity, LOL.

When I think this way, I can't succeed in being myself-- and being amazing at it. I'm going to have to be more outspoken in this journal, so that I realize I'm thinking these things, and I can put a stop to it.


My life is worth something. My soul is beautiful, like a snowflake. I am filled with inspirations and creativity and intelligence for details, an eye for true reality, and a love for humanity. And more things I don't realize.

No matter what, I always must remember that God created me for something, and I am DESIGNED to be the way I am, even if I have a few inhibiting flaws, I can grow to be an amazing person. Really amazing.

So enough, Cara, with the crap talk. Start enjoying yourself, not just life-- and trust that you know what you're doing more often-- trust your instinct, your snowflake soul.

Study Tip -

Uh oh, I didn't make a post for last night!!! D8 Here's one to make up for it.

Listening to "Kagamine Len - Iceheart".

Here's a great study tip! Wherever you spend tons of time, put an easy-to-use study material nearby.

I sit or lie down in bed with my laptop sitting on my tummy or lap. :) So it's VERY hard to be like, "okay, I'm going to get up and study." I mean, I'm not an inactive person, but once I'm laying down, it doesn't feel natural to get up again, even if it would be good exercise. (Haha)

So I'm going to leave a pad of paper right by my bed, one that I don't move, for practicing my Japanese writing (the kanji). 

This will help with studying more frequently, when I think of it, and keep me from using any reason to not study.

Now hearing "Miku Hatsune - Anger".

Today I'm going to exercise a lot, eat vegetables, do thirty kanji and reviews, and scrapbook organizing. Oh, and I also need to start reading the Bible, I think it would help me with some things I'm denying truths about.... Come on me, you can do it!

Something else! Don't inwardly criticize yourself when you don't do something "useful" -- I should put that whole phrase in quotes, since it's so wrong. For some reason I'm always bothered by my use of time if I'm not improving my character during that time (by studying or learning or cleaning). But those aren't the only important things in life, so I'm obviously misguided.

By myself. hhheheh. Well, let's see. relaxing and enjoying beautiful things is good, it's appreciating the creator of the world.

Relaxing is important in order to do a good job in studying and such.

Spending time with family and friends is obviously important, as a life without relationships is... never mind, my opinion is too harsh for those who don't believe in having friends.