So... if I was giving myself self-counseling, instead of going to someone, which is my preference :) here's what I would tell myself. I'm writing these things because they're essential to my getting a life, and if I remembered them I think it would solve everything.

1. I have anxiety, and once it starts, I don't know how to stop it, and so it gets worse.
2. I get anxious when I am afraid and I can't face something-- usually a decision that I'm afraid to make-- and so I avoid it. I'm very good at avoiding things, but when I do that, I am often literally acting like a child. First, I might hide from the problem (under my bed, in closets, or by sleeping or entertaining myself with a book or anime) or I might make stupid arguments, and get defensive when it's really my fault and I don't need to make excuses, I need to take action.

Something else interesting: I realized the other day. When someone is hiding from a decision (to take action) with bad habits and/or addictions, it doesn't mean that they're not strong enough or they don't "want" to meet their goals "badly enough". It's just that avoiding a decision is a completely different thing than saying YES or NO. It is in-between, and that in itself is what makes it so easy. You're not giving up-- you're pressing pause on the problem. So you can effectively forget about the problem without feeling guilty because you're still "planning" on taking care of it later.

I'm not weak for avoiding the problem, I'm not even thinking about the problem-- I'm not even trying. Sure, I might be weak initially because I was afraid, but that's a smaller weakness than a weakness that would mean I'm not strong enough to make a future for myself. If I give it my best, and truly try, and THEN I don't make it, THAT'S when I'm not strong enough.

Maybe I'm a little afraid to go there... to really try. But "trying" is a scary word because it encompasses the starting, the journey, and the end result-- I'm looking at the picture in too much of a general, large way. I need to look at just the steps.

So, back to number one and two.
1. I am afraid, so I get anxious.
2. That's because I avoid making decisions.
3. THAT leads to it turning into a circle -- 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2....

I need to find a way to deal with fear when it hits me. I'm not always going to be prepared for things, and so fear is normal. I need to NOT hide, and instead FACE the problem.

When I do get anxious due to my fear, and I stop thinking straight, I have to figure out how to stop myself so that I can think again, and then deal with the fear.