I was reading something in an inspirational email from TOFUGU or TEXTFUGU or something dot com. It referenced something that Jackie Chan has said, which goes kind of like this.
Don't ever stop challenging yourself. Just go for it, and then keep going, and then farther than that -- never stop trying to do better-- or there's no point in being alive.
It's kind of dramatic, but I totally get it right now. It helps me with my confidence.
I think that... I need to have more respect for myself, MORE, a LOT MORE. Because, I'm guessing, that people who have a lot of respect for themselves, and moreover, a lot of expectations for themselves, will aim higher. Why shouldn't I?
But it's hard to have high, higher, and higher expectations when I don't have confidence. As in, how can I expect something of myself if I don't think I can do anything great?
I don't know where a person finds confidence. But today I prayed for help, to figure out what to do with my life, and I was just soo... what do I do? (kind of like Orihime does when Ichigo has that hole in his chest) (I just remembered) and my day has been going better than in weeks. SIGH okay I HAVE to pray more, it WORKS, and I am IGNORING GOD. !!! One can find strength in God, when there's no one else.
For someone who doesn't care about God, I could say that prayer is a little bit like... listening to your heart. It's like reaching deep down inside you, to a place that is always calm, and stable, that center that has wind whirling around but inside is quiet and sure, always existing as long as you do. That place can tell you the truth, the reality of passing beyond your current predicaments and beyond this life. That's what God does for me, when I pray. He reminds me of the obvious things that I couldn't have noticed on my own, in my panicked state.
(That counteracts Bleach's philosophy a bit, and I love Bleach, but it IS missing some things spiritually. Ironically enough. But most media is, at least, regarding Christian stuff.)
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Respecting and Denial of Self
It's important for a person to remember that she must mostly always do things in respect of herself, and what she believes in, first. Not for other people. Because if I do things for others, I do at least believe in doing things for others. But I believe in doing things for others. So it still has to start with myself. I shouldn't do things for others only for them, but I should do things for them because I want to.
So even when I do "unselfish" things, they are ultimately selfish. But perhaps here is when we admit that being selfish is not really all so bad. I don't think it's the same thing as evil pride or shallow vanity. It's a form of pride or vanity that is necessary for existence, of self. Denial of self? Pah.
It has it's own place, but not in this context.
(My context. Of me.)
I'm trying to say that I worry too much about what others say to me, or worse and even sillier, what I imagine they are thinking of me. Denial of self? That's where I say PSHAA!
So even when I do "unselfish" things, they are ultimately selfish. But perhaps here is when we admit that being selfish is not really all so bad. I don't think it's the same thing as evil pride or shallow vanity. It's a form of pride or vanity that is necessary for existence, of self. Denial of self? Pah.
It has it's own place, but not in this context.
(My context. Of me.)
I'm trying to say that I worry too much about what others say to me, or worse and even sillier, what I imagine they are thinking of me. Denial of self? That's where I say PSHAA!
Things To Make Myself Do
I've decided I want more self control. But self-control comes from just doing stuff. And practice in doing things for a long time, and not getting distracted by something else... simply because you don't let yourself get distracted.
So! Here's a list of things I will be doing every day, with the goal of "not getting distracted" in order to build up my brain, filled up with self-control! YEAH!
THEORY: five pages.
1. piano, 1-1.5-5 hour.
2. japanese, 5-30 things
3. work or jobsearch, 3-20
4. Bible, 1-6 ch.
So! Here's a list of things I will be doing every day, with the goal of "not getting distracted" in order to build up my brain, filled up with self-control! YEAH!
THEORY: five pages.
1. piano, 1-1.5-5 hour.
2. japanese, 5-30 things
3. work or jobsearch, 3-20
4. Bible, 1-6 ch.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Revelation Review... Deja vu again!
I get really inspired when I haven't slept. Like, I can think - STRAIGHT - and it feels really good. It's like the entire day is weighing on me, and I can handle all of it, because I feel calm and ready to forget about it any second... like I don't care because as long as I get to go to sleep for sure, I can make it. But so often at ten pm at night, I think, I don't want to go to bed. But there isn't a solution to this problem besides just making yourself go to sleep. I just never want to until morning. Isn't that silly? It's just my messed up schedule, I think. I'll bet not very many people have this problem! Because I could control and fix it if I really wanted to. I think I'm just being selfish.
Anyway, I wrote down some good stuff in my Daynotes on my PC and I wanted to put it in here in case I lost it. It's really good. I want to follow these things and actually change these habits. I emphasize "actually" because often I make lists, but if I don't really put my whole heart into them while I'm writing it, AND if I don't go back and re-read it, I don't end up changing that habit. I've changed a few of my habits with list writing, so I won't give up yet. So here's the most important thing: I have to go back and re-read this list, so I have it on a shortcut on my desktop. We'll see! Read it, it's good, though it may not apply to you. :) Really, if you don't have "self-control" problems, you can't relate to me in this way, but if some of this applies to you, you should think about it because these changes can be good. But.. haha... what do I know?!
" because I can't keep perspective, and I can't depend (or won't let myself depend) on other people to help me fix my perspective, I have to FIND a way to do it myself. REMEMBER: feelings are AWESOME, but they don't dictate logic. Watch out, feelings are also very foolish. That's what I mean about maintaining perspective. I let my feelings wash me away like a river, and sometimes I realize too late that I should have walked upstream to swim down an entirely different river. Here's a possible plan:
have rules for myself that I KNOW, if I break them, I will probably lose control.
SCHEDULE STUFF - wholeheart to change
1. watch anime as much as I want, but get other things done first, that are on this list. In order to do that, I need to have a list that I write down what I have to get done each day.
2. Get the major things I need to get done, each day, first. That includes work, chores, meals, study, and spiritual communication hahaha, no really. COMMUNICATING WITH _GOD_.
If I write a list for each day, it will keep my tasks in perspective so I don't put it off till later and never get it done. I have to push myself in order to be successful, because I am foolish and I forget that my life now is just a dying thing.
3. Get the things on this list done BEFORE breaks, including everything. I have to learn how to survive a day, because once I get distracted, it's hard to pull back and I'm capable of holding out longer. When I need a rest, take a PEACE break (some other way than with entertainment) then MOVE ON and get more done. I can be MORE efficient this way. Use imagination to keep myself happy and moving, as if someone else is pushing me, when really, it's just me!
4. When I do allow myself to watch anime, I have to keep a watch of the time, no matter what my excuse is for not being aware of it, it is TOO possible. So I need to be aware of all my scheduled important things, and stop my relaxation and remember that life is just as fun, but sometimes I forget because it's not ideal in the same way, so I need to grow a better imagination. Don't force myself, have FUN. Also, get ABSORBED in each task, one task! I only need imagination to START with, then I can let my feelings taking me away.
RULES-TO-NOT-BREAK STUFF - simple things to keep
1. when I eat, it should be something that mostly involves hands-on preparation and gathering, not microwaving, and preferably less packaging. At least 50% of all content should be something I cook or cut.
2. when I eat, I should study - READING - or nothing. only snacks and drinks are for TV and entertainment, and I should get used to doing less of that, too. keep a book upstairs that I read with food, and a book downstairs that I'm studying, too. That way I can study multiple things at once, like I always want, and I won't forget where I leave my books.
3. exercise daily. this is a variable thing in that it can be done in a lot of ways, so just do one of them, and make sure to get tired and loosened up. evening is better, and try to go to bed right after, but if not, make sure to calm down and have eaten before bedtime.
4. keep a bedtime, and stick to it with lights out and everything. Use calming methods and anticipate when they will be needed instead of realizing three hours later that I should have taken a sleeping pill or listened to music.
5. instead of watching two hours of anime, watch less and study japanese first. I just have to make myself do it, because if I don't do it daily I'll never learn all the kanji.
Anyway, I wrote down some good stuff in my Daynotes on my PC and I wanted to put it in here in case I lost it. It's really good. I want to follow these things and actually change these habits. I emphasize "actually" because often I make lists, but if I don't really put my whole heart into them while I'm writing it, AND if I don't go back and re-read it, I don't end up changing that habit. I've changed a few of my habits with list writing, so I won't give up yet. So here's the most important thing: I have to go back and re-read this list, so I have it on a shortcut on my desktop. We'll see! Read it, it's good, though it may not apply to you. :) Really, if you don't have "self-control" problems, you can't relate to me in this way, but if some of this applies to you, you should think about it because these changes can be good. But.. haha... what do I know?!
" because I can't keep perspective, and I can't depend (or won't let myself depend) on other people to help me fix my perspective, I have to FIND a way to do it myself. REMEMBER: feelings are AWESOME, but they don't dictate logic. Watch out, feelings are also very foolish. That's what I mean about maintaining perspective. I let my feelings wash me away like a river, and sometimes I realize too late that I should have walked upstream to swim down an entirely different river. Here's a possible plan:
have rules for myself that I KNOW, if I break them, I will probably lose control.
SCHEDULE STUFF - wholeheart to change
1. watch anime as much as I want, but get other things done first, that are on this list. In order to do that, I need to have a list that I write down what I have to get done each day.
2. Get the major things I need to get done, each day, first. That includes work, chores, meals, study, and spiritual communication hahaha, no really. COMMUNICATING WITH _GOD_.
If I write a list for each day, it will keep my tasks in perspective so I don't put it off till later and never get it done. I have to push myself in order to be successful, because I am foolish and I forget that my life now is just a dying thing.
3. Get the things on this list done BEFORE breaks, including everything. I have to learn how to survive a day, because once I get distracted, it's hard to pull back and I'm capable of holding out longer. When I need a rest, take a PEACE break (some other way than with entertainment) then MOVE ON and get more done. I can be MORE efficient this way. Use imagination to keep myself happy and moving, as if someone else is pushing me, when really, it's just me!
4. When I do allow myself to watch anime, I have to keep a watch of the time, no matter what my excuse is for not being aware of it, it is TOO possible. So I need to be aware of all my scheduled important things, and stop my relaxation and remember that life is just as fun, but sometimes I forget because it's not ideal in the same way, so I need to grow a better imagination. Don't force myself, have FUN. Also, get ABSORBED in each task, one task! I only need imagination to START with, then I can let my feelings taking me away.
RULES-TO-NOT-BREAK STUFF - simple things to keep
1. when I eat, it should be something that mostly involves hands-on preparation and gathering, not microwaving, and preferably less packaging. At least 50% of all content should be something I cook or cut.
2. when I eat, I should study - READING - or nothing. only snacks and drinks are for TV and entertainment, and I should get used to doing less of that, too. keep a book upstairs that I read with food, and a book downstairs that I'm studying, too. That way I can study multiple things at once, like I always want, and I won't forget where I leave my books.
3. exercise daily. this is a variable thing in that it can be done in a lot of ways, so just do one of them, and make sure to get tired and loosened up. evening is better, and try to go to bed right after, but if not, make sure to calm down and have eaten before bedtime.
4. keep a bedtime, and stick to it with lights out and everything. Use calming methods and anticipate when they will be needed instead of realizing three hours later that I should have taken a sleeping pill or listened to music.
5. instead of watching two hours of anime, watch less and study japanese first. I just have to make myself do it, because if I don't do it daily I'll never learn all the kanji.
day looks like this, with details and check-mark signs beside...
(homework)(take time to be beautiful)(prayer)
class
work
chores
study
japanese
exercise
bedtime - pick one!
[T1]read this list and update. D-A-I-L-Y, PM esp. I get to order ピーチガール in 175!!!!!!! fourteen days later..."
[T1]read this list and update. D-A-I-L-Y, PM esp. I get to order ピーチガール in 175!!!!!!! fourteen days later..."
Monday, December 20, 2010
Center....
I want to have self-control over my actions, so that when I feel like doing something, I can realize in my head (not my heart) whether or not it's a smart idea, and be patient about waiting. "All in time" would be a good thing to think.
I want to have less material possessions, not necessarily too "simple", but because I don't want to keep so many things that I don't use and clutter up my life. I want to know where everything is and not have a complicated mess.
I want to learn how to say no when something isn't best for me, and not care that other people are irritated by it. Perhaps I mean... I should center my thoughts more around myself? And perhaps also... acknowledge when certain problems aren't mine and I don't have to care about others?
I want to be in control of my life. This isn't about something unattainable; I'm not being unreasonable. I wish for these these things only regarding myself. I can change who I am. I'm not trying to change the things around me that aren't under my control, I'm trying become someone who guides her own life, instead of letting just any current take her in circles (therefore getting nowhere).
It works out well that I have a journal like this (and this part annoys me, but it doesn't matter) because no one has to care about this, since it's all about me. I'm complaining about my internal issues. So it feels so good to be able to write it down, even if I'm really the only one who has to listen to it.
I want to have less material possessions, not necessarily too "simple", but because I don't want to keep so many things that I don't use and clutter up my life. I want to know where everything is and not have a complicated mess.
I want to learn how to say no when something isn't best for me, and not care that other people are irritated by it. Perhaps I mean... I should center my thoughts more around myself? And perhaps also... acknowledge when certain problems aren't mine and I don't have to care about others?
I want to be in control of my life. This isn't about something unattainable; I'm not being unreasonable. I wish for these these things only regarding myself. I can change who I am. I'm not trying to change the things around me that aren't under my control, I'm trying become someone who guides her own life, instead of letting just any current take her in circles (therefore getting nowhere).
It works out well that I have a journal like this (and this part annoys me, but it doesn't matter) because no one has to care about this, since it's all about me. I'm complaining about my internal issues. So it feels so good to be able to write it down, even if I'm really the only one who has to listen to it.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
IMPOSSIBLE?
So in the future, when I get a new job, I will expect that the next few weeks (IF I'm working full-time) will be absolutely horrible. Then, I won't be surprised.
I need to learn how to be braver, to tough it out. At family worship last night, we read a story from Chicken Soup for the Soul (volume something or other, I can go find it if you really want to know:) and there was something interesting:
I can't remember! Just a second. Okay, it's the story on page 303 in A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul. The mother tells her twenty-year-old son after his recent paralysis: "While the difficult takes time... the impossible just takes a little longer."
It's really true! I don't use it very much, but I bet if people thought that way more often, they would be much more successful. When I was little, I used this idea (not on purpose) to practice piano. Don't stop just when you feel like you should be finished! Keep GOING until you actually finish. Sometimes we forget to do that, right? Don't give up. Seriously.
I need to learn how to be braver, to tough it out. At family worship last night, we read a story from Chicken Soup for the Soul (volume something or other, I can go find it if you really want to know:) and there was something interesting:
I can't remember! Just a second. Okay, it's the story on page 303 in A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul. The mother tells her twenty-year-old son after his recent paralysis: "While the difficult takes time... the impossible just takes a little longer."
It's really true! I don't use it very much, but I bet if people thought that way more often, they would be much more successful. When I was little, I used this idea (not on purpose) to practice piano. Don't stop just when you feel like you should be finished! Keep GOING until you actually finish. Sometimes we forget to do that, right? Don't give up. Seriously.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Taking Action
Decide what time I'm going to wake up the next day before I go to sleep (or pick a time to go to sleep)
--> make a sort of "deadline" for going to bed, and do my best to adhere to it (deadline is such a great word! think of it more literally.)
Do work stuff mostly always before play stuff. Remember that an end really is in sight.
I get inspirational emails to help me learn Japanese from TextFugu.com . I love them. Here's what I want to think about after reading it: what's my "bigger purpose" or goal -- what can I imagine myself doing in three years if it could be anything I wanted-- what do I want to do? Imagine THAT, and then think: what are three small things you could do right now to get you closer to that place in your mind's eyes?
I need to be more literal with myself, and connect my smaller actions, the right-now actions, to my future. Because that's exactly what they are-- little bitty things added together make a future.
I have to start studying a lot. Mainly piano and theory. I think studying might be more useful than talent, so I can't sit around worrying that I have enough talent or not. If I just studied a ton, I'd do better than about ninety percent of those talented people who haven't been studying. As of right now, my laziness will not be getting me anywhere, so I have to change that.
New literal goals: [write these down in notebook and try to do it everyday.]
1. piano,theory/6days. bible7/days.
2. exercise/walk dog/chores seven days.
3. think about my main goals (read them) and think of what I am doing that day to get there, pick immediate things, and try not to forget them.
4. pick a time to wake up (and then also to go to bed that night before) and work to get it right.
5. use my imagination for each thing I do. in everything, remember who I can be if I choose. I wish I could go back in time, but I can't, so all I have is what I can do now. I have to be brave. 勇敢! "Yuukan"
--> make a sort of "deadline" for going to bed, and do my best to adhere to it (deadline is such a great word! think of it more literally.)
Do work stuff mostly always before play stuff. Remember that an end really is in sight.
I get inspirational emails to help me learn Japanese from TextFugu.com . I love them. Here's what I want to think about after reading it: what's my "bigger purpose" or goal -- what can I imagine myself doing in three years if it could be anything I wanted-- what do I want to do? Imagine THAT, and then think: what are three small things you could do right now to get you closer to that place in your mind's eyes?
I need to be more literal with myself, and connect my smaller actions, the right-now actions, to my future. Because that's exactly what they are-- little bitty things added together make a future.
I have to start studying a lot. Mainly piano and theory. I think studying might be more useful than talent, so I can't sit around worrying that I have enough talent or not. If I just studied a ton, I'd do better than about ninety percent of those talented people who haven't been studying. As of right now, my laziness will not be getting me anywhere, so I have to change that.
New literal goals: [write these down in notebook and try to do it everyday.]
1. piano,theory/6days. bible7/days.
2. exercise/walk dog/chores seven days.
3. think about my main goals (read them) and think of what I am doing that day to get there, pick immediate things, and try not to forget them.
4. pick a time to wake up (and then also to go to bed that night before) and work to get it right.
5. use my imagination for each thing I do. in everything, remember who I can be if I choose. I wish I could go back in time, but I can't, so all I have is what I can do now. I have to be brave. 勇敢! "Yuukan"
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
WOW!
So lazy in blogging lately!
I wanted y'all who actually find my writing interesting... heh heh... to know that I have a new blog that deviates from the extremely rational side of this one. My new blog is a lot dreamier. It's sort of imaginary, more like a story. Please check it out, I have no followers yet. :) I really LOOOVE followers. No reason, really, since I don't do "adsense" or whatever, it just makes me feel like there's a point to writing! When people listen, even a little, I mean.
Find it on my profile, or click here: Imagine. Dream. Explore? It's totally NEATO.
I wanted y'all who actually find my writing interesting... heh heh... to know that I have a new blog that deviates from the extremely rational side of this one. My new blog is a lot dreamier. It's sort of imaginary, more like a story. Please check it out, I have no followers yet. :) I really LOOOVE followers. No reason, really, since I don't do "adsense" or whatever, it just makes me feel like there's a point to writing! When people listen, even a little, I mean.
Find it on my profile, or click here: Imagine. Dream. Explore? It's totally NEATO.
College Success Plan, Beginning.
I am trying to take a theory class at my local university. As it turns out, I didn't actually need to appeal because I meet the conditions, and furthermore, I don't have to meet any conditions because I'm not yet a full-time student. :)
Answer these questions:
1. Why don't you meet the admission requirements, and
2. What are you are doing to make up deficiencies? Include information on your career and academic goals and why you want to attend. [I forgot to read that last sentence. :) ]
TO THE APPEALS COURT
WHY I DON'T MEET THE ADMISSION REQUIREMENTS
My GPA is: 1.6 [as it turns out, that's only my science. My real GPA is 2.5 and I didn't even need to write this letter.]
I didn't take responsibility for my grades at Atlantis University. I was rushing ahead when I should have stopped to think about what I wanted to do with my life. I let myself lose confidence in my academic ability and vainly hoped to fix my grades and continue in school, but I should have pulled out to rethink the choices I had made about the classes I had undertaken. [NOTE TO SELF: My hope was false because I had gotten ahead of myself and hoped for something before I acknowledged the truth. Hope is not invalid just because one fails; hope is invalid when it is not based on truth. My hope, sadly, was invalid situationally, but that doesn't mean that the result I hoped for can not happen, even if I repeat my actions-- but I have to repeat my actions while thinking more carefully-- SLOWLY-- about which actions to choose, so that I choose the right ones. Wow, that was a really complicated way to say that.]
WHAT I'M DOING TO MAKE UP DEFICIENCIES
I am studying independently at home.
I have to start studying 2 hours a day independently for each subject I claim to be studying before I can say that.
Refer to each subject I study 2 hours a day, five days a week, as a subject I've been studying.
That would be: 1 or more: Japanese, Piano, Theory, [exercise, which I will not mention]
I'm seeing a counselor at Pastoral Services about my life in general, especially in taking responsibility for my self and the things I do.
And once I start school, there are a few more items I will strive for.
I will take responsibility for the result of my work-- meaning, I will take responsibility for my grades.
I will pull out of a class right away if I realize I can't handle it by monitoring my progress and grades weekly, or sooner.
I will begin slowly, and start by taking only a small class load.
I will look back at this letter when I sign up for new classes and when I make other more important decisions.
[note to self: I will consider taking anxiety AND EVEN depression medications if my own efforts do not produce fabulous results.]
[NOTE TO SELF: I will not be finished with this until I've done these things. After I've done these things, I won't be finished either, so no congratulations until you do something big, at least.]
[note to self: Time Issue/SCHEDULE. If I study two hours a day for a regular class load, I will get A's most likely. That doesn't count piano, which is four hours, so working is out of the question, I don't even know if a full load and piano is possible, (as long as piano isn't counting as part of the load). Basically, working and school will be impossible unless I take less classes, because I can't expect to get A's without studying two hours and a regular class load is actually a fulltime job in itself (i.e. 6am-1pm school (errands/exercise), piano 4 hours, classes 5ish hours, sleep at 11PM???! That's more like 1 hour for homework, no time for meals or personal time. I am NOT going to be working while I'm in school except weekends! :) FOR SURE, unless I want to multitask and work while taking a half-load.)
As it turns out, this letter was unnecessary, but now that I think about it, it's really important that I wrote it because this sort of accountability (to myself) is exactly what I need to be in order to get through this beginning part. I won't succeed in school unless I follow these ideas, so I REALLY must look back at this!
Answer these questions:
1. Why don't you meet the admission requirements, and
2. What are you are doing to make up deficiencies? Include information on your career and academic goals and why you want to attend. [I forgot to read that last sentence. :) ]
TO THE APPEALS COURT
WHY I DON'T MEET THE ADMISSION REQUIREMENTS
My GPA is: 1.6 [as it turns out, that's only my science. My real GPA is 2.5 and I didn't even need to write this letter.]
I didn't take responsibility for my grades at Atlantis University. I was rushing ahead when I should have stopped to think about what I wanted to do with my life. I let myself lose confidence in my academic ability and vainly hoped to fix my grades and continue in school, but I should have pulled out to rethink the choices I had made about the classes I had undertaken. [NOTE TO SELF: My hope was false because I had gotten ahead of myself and hoped for something before I acknowledged the truth. Hope is not invalid just because one fails; hope is invalid when it is not based on truth. My hope, sadly, was invalid situationally, but that doesn't mean that the result I hoped for can not happen, even if I repeat my actions-- but I have to repeat my actions while thinking more carefully-- SLOWLY-- about which actions to choose, so that I choose the right ones. Wow, that was a really complicated way to say that.]
WHAT I'M DOING TO MAKE UP DEFICIENCIES
I am studying independently at home.
I have to start studying 2 hours a day independently for each subject I claim to be studying before I can say that.
Refer to each subject I study 2 hours a day, five days a week, as a subject I've been studying.
That would be: 1 or more: Japanese, Piano, Theory, [exercise, which I will not mention]
I'm seeing a counselor at Pastoral Services about my life in general, especially in taking responsibility for my self and the things I do.
And once I start school, there are a few more items I will strive for.
I will take responsibility for the result of my work-- meaning, I will take responsibility for my grades.
I will pull out of a class right away if I realize I can't handle it by monitoring my progress and grades weekly, or sooner.
I will begin slowly, and start by taking only a small class load.
I will look back at this letter when I sign up for new classes and when I make other more important decisions.
[note to self: I will consider taking anxiety AND EVEN depression medications if my own efforts do not produce fabulous results.]
[NOTE TO SELF: I will not be finished with this until I've done these things. After I've done these things, I won't be finished either, so no congratulations until you do something big, at least.]
[note to self: Time Issue/SCHEDULE. If I study two hours a day for a regular class load, I will get A's most likely. That doesn't count piano, which is four hours, so working is out of the question, I don't even know if a full load and piano is possible, (as long as piano isn't counting as part of the load). Basically, working and school will be impossible unless I take less classes, because I can't expect to get A's without studying two hours and a regular class load is actually a fulltime job in itself (i.e. 6am-1pm school (errands/exercise), piano 4 hours, classes 5ish hours, sleep at 11PM???! That's more like 1 hour for homework, no time for meals or personal time. I am NOT going to be working while I'm in school except weekends! :) FOR SURE, unless I want to multitask and work while taking a half-load.)
As it turns out, this letter was unnecessary, but now that I think about it, it's really important that I wrote it because this sort of accountability (to myself) is exactly what I need to be in order to get through this beginning part. I won't succeed in school unless I follow these ideas, so I REALLY must look back at this!
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