Gameshows Tell You the Truth Right Away!

Focusing on one thing in life is more useful for me. I am always trying to tell myself (I plan and think a lot but don't DO it, mostly) that I need to start (keyword: *start*) studying Japanese regularly, studying music regularly, etc etc. Those are good things, but I have to PRIORITIZE, meaning, pick one to go crazy over.

Right now, I feel that losing weight would change my entire life. I'm letting my weight change how I feel about myself. I could either get over it, or I could actually lose weight. I think the latter option is the best one, but it will only become possible when I start making it my mission in my tiny little life right here. Until I do that, I won't get closer to being happy.

But even better, some of this will come in time. I can be focusing intensely on losing weight, without neglecting other major types of focus like Japanese or religion. These things happen; I'll become internally motivated on accident-- I won't have to make myself. I've noticed it happens sometimes. But until it does or even when it doesn't, I should try and focus on usually just one thing at a time that I think is most important in my life-- a driving sort of force of learning... or education.

Other things need to be part of my life, not as a driving force, but as a living force, like breathing, a peaceful habit-- things that are necessary, such as: not lying down all day, prayer, eating, working (I'll have to work on that one, it's unknown territory) taking pills on-time, and sleeping regularly.

Another thing-- awareness is the same as telling the truth. I lie to myself all the time, really! Mindfulness is going to help me. After watching some of Fullmetal Alchemist, I thought about the flow of life idea-- that it's bad to assume you're above it, and try to change it.

I don't agree with tons of stuff in anime, spiritually and religiously, but it presents so many beautiful ideas! Really, there are many things animes have taught and are still teaching me. Anyway, I tie this to Fullmetal Alchemist by explaining that I thought I was above my life, above making decisions, even, as if, since I will be successful in the future, what I do now doesn't matter, because I'm perfect. EEERRRRRMP! WRONG!

Anyway, I've been telling myself things that aren't true, and imagining that I'm doing okay when I'm not. If I haven't succeeded at something, I may never. I always hope that somehow I'll be famous someday, and beautiful, and terribly skinny, and have awesome reflexes, and create amazing, strong bonds of friendship and love with people in the world... but these are all in my imagination. I can't just expect that I'm an amazing person-- I have to accept who I am and try and live.