Long (and Only) Version of How I Can Use my Time Carefully.

I noticed the other day that my life is centered around wandering around the house. Wherever I end up-- the kitchen, the computer room, the living room, my room-- usually ends up reminding me of an activity I could do. So instead of going to the living room to practice piano, I wander by the piano and HAPPEN to stop and play.

This is bad! I think... basically, I am not owning my actions-- I don't take responsibility and get done what I need to, commanding myself etc etc) instead, I just let whatever happens happen.

I say "bad" not because I need to change my habits, but that I wasn't aware of this, and I could be dealing with this... just a little differently. Here's how!

Problem Solver If I had an activity for each room of the house, and set an item in a place I'll remember (like a book, for example) that signifies that activity, that would help me accomplish my tasks instead of side ones that I don't need to do (like solitaire, reading new books instead of one's I've already started, or forgetting that I wanted to study, and going to my room to watch anime, when I just FINISHED doing that twenty minutes ago).

Interesting, right? Now, it's important that I go about my day with a sort of task list in my head (when I'm feeling task-less) and TRY to follow it. But when I DO have free time, it would be great to fit in progressive activities instead of solitaire-like activities. Does that make sense? (I'm trying to call them progressive, as in progress, instead of useful, because relaxing IS useful, so I don't want to be overly negative, it's just relaxing doesn't necessarily provide actual progress, which really is okay.)

These activities include lots of things (Japanese, piano, music studies, bible studies, meditation practice, simple prayer, working out, cleaning house, taking with family). A few of these things-- working out, cleaning house, and talking with fmaily00 are easier because of exactly what I've explained: the activity is "easy to access or "available" because as I wander around the house, they present themselves.

I also perform an activity well when I am stuck doing it. If I find a way to make myself comfortable or stuck (ribbon!) doing any of these activities (without it being something that makes me sleep, if that would be a problem) then that is a good way for me to make the most progress before getting up to do something else.

Implementation: Have checklists in the rooms of the house for activities I do at certain times: this includes pills, flossing, all those little things that I have to make sure not to forget.Some of them I always remember (birth control) other ones I forget or deny (flossing) and others I frequently or almost always never do, no matter how heavy on my mind it is (exercise, quitting anime) when ALL of these things I need to be doing daily. This will help me be successful. These are the little things. I can do this.

Directions.   * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hole-punch the papers, so I can "consolidate" in a sort of "review" of how I've done, then put them back in place afterwards. They need to try and stay in their places, so I'll make photocopies or versions 1, 2, 3 etc. for ones that will be used for writing on (chap 3 today, date, like that!). The room is [in brackets here]. For large activities that need to have uniqueness to a room, keep it that way. For activities that need to be multiple room,s make it that way. There are a lot of rules to make, so observe how they're ordered.

Books that I'm reading will have to be floating around the house, since I don't have more than one. I'll try and make my studies movable, but I may get distracted by having to go find a book or other item. It's important that I don't let this keep me from getting something done; I can do a little focusing, at least. (Think list in head! Two at a time is okay.)

[bathroom]2000: floss | brush |face |weight (other paper, incorporate when I finish it, or take apart and stick on new? or something) |

[my room][computer rm] Japanese - 2-10 kanji avg.
[us+ds] piano - 1 hr sug.
[us+ds] music studies - 1 hour, 1 chapter, 1 page sug.
[under the bed][in the bathroom][in bed][on couch] bible studies - 15", 1 chapter sug.
[my closet][coat closet][outside][outside][roof][multiple places not already used - post-its] meditation practice (+ side wake up message) (if one particular place develops, use that for a record sheet, unless that disrupts my practice, which it shouldn't but it might.)
[my room] simple prayer
[my room] working out

wake up on all messages

[kitchen] cleaning house
[kitchen] read a book!
[ds kitchen] walk dog

[desk] work stuff
[desk] finances, bills, mail stuff

Remember! The aim of all this over-done-ness is to make it become habit, so that means I actually have to keep doing this "overdoneness" continually, on, and on, and on. It won't end, but it will become easier-- more like habit-- think of it like taking pills. Continually.

For all this stuff, I'm going to implement it with post its, mostly. Some of the items (activities designated for rooms, I mean) will be papers with blanks for the date so I can record what I did. But for a simple reminder like meditation, I'm going to use a certain color of post it to remind me, and place them in all the places of each room or place that I might think to meditate in. Eventually, I'll have an activity or activities for each room, while avoiding any major conflicts (like music study and Japanese study) and every time I go anywhere in my house, I can choose to fill my time with progressive activity, or relax-ive activity.

Most importantly, I can't be worrying about doing something if I don't want to. One drawback to this entire thing is that I might start to mistake all these notes over the house as another one of my schemes to externally motivate myself, and I'll rebel against that and it'll get weird. I'll be naturally relaxing away from a task, then see the reminder and feel like I'm forcing myself to do something without regard to respect-- but it's a reminder, and I AM THE ONE in control of myself, because what I do I take responsibility for. When I forget this, the plan will backfire because I will avoid responding to it. OBSERVE and think ABOUT the situation objectively. Do your best, and separate my SELF from my actions. This is weird but exactly what I mean: "Don't take your actions personally or to heart." My actions do not make me-- mistaking that is unfair and wrong as inverted gravity. Let go of the later and the before and live in now. Nothing can change the fact that God made me how I am and HE MEANT IT.

I also have some unrelated ideas about weight loss, so I'm going to make another post for that.

Shopping is Not a Bad Thing, Cara!

Okay, I'm setting new rules for my weight loss presents list. It's long and it has specific presents for various weights, right? Well, it's good to hold myself too that, but I haven't bought any manga and it's been a year since I started wanting to learn Japanese. For someone obsessed with anime like me, it's ESSENTIAL that I make MANGA part of my Japanese learning!!!!!

Hah. Okay.

Well, I bought the first and second Kuroshitsuji manga, and I don't really feel guilty about it. I really needed a pick me up. I'm going to remember this for next time: it is very important that I take care of my money and watch where it's going and save when I need to. However, I also need to make sure I don't restrict myself too ridiculously, either. I'm allowing myself to change the list and buy things ahead of time as needed, but when possible, to hold off buying and instead accomplish my goals first! C:

My "presents" for each goal is a fabulous idea, but I have been letting myself get carried away. I have a box on my shelf from Christmas that I haven't let myself open; in it, (along with books, movies, calendars for 2011... I just realized I should be using that o.o ... jewelry) I know I have a Nintendo lite DS I got for myself with which I could start learning some kanji-- but I haven't allowed myself to open that until I get a job.

I CAN DO THAT. So I'm okay with that restriction; that goal is within my reach-- within my power. As long as I keep the following in perspective, I'll be all right: I need to know what I'm capable of, and when I'm afraid, which of the two kinds of fear it is: a fear of something I can't handle, or the fear of my self not being able to handle it.

Gameshows Tell You the Truth Right Away!

Focusing on one thing in life is more useful for me. I am always trying to tell myself (I plan and think a lot but don't DO it, mostly) that I need to start (keyword: *start*) studying Japanese regularly, studying music regularly, etc etc. Those are good things, but I have to PRIORITIZE, meaning, pick one to go crazy over.

Right now, I feel that losing weight would change my entire life. I'm letting my weight change how I feel about myself. I could either get over it, or I could actually lose weight. I think the latter option is the best one, but it will only become possible when I start making it my mission in my tiny little life right here. Until I do that, I won't get closer to being happy.

But even better, some of this will come in time. I can be focusing intensely on losing weight, without neglecting other major types of focus like Japanese or religion. These things happen; I'll become internally motivated on accident-- I won't have to make myself. I've noticed it happens sometimes. But until it does or even when it doesn't, I should try and focus on usually just one thing at a time that I think is most important in my life-- a driving sort of force of learning... or education.

Other things need to be part of my life, not as a driving force, but as a living force, like breathing, a peaceful habit-- things that are necessary, such as: not lying down all day, prayer, eating, working (I'll have to work on that one, it's unknown territory) taking pills on-time, and sleeping regularly.

Another thing-- awareness is the same as telling the truth. I lie to myself all the time, really! Mindfulness is going to help me. After watching some of Fullmetal Alchemist, I thought about the flow of life idea-- that it's bad to assume you're above it, and try to change it.

I don't agree with tons of stuff in anime, spiritually and religiously, but it presents so many beautiful ideas! Really, there are many things animes have taught and are still teaching me. Anyway, I tie this to Fullmetal Alchemist by explaining that I thought I was above my life, above making decisions, even, as if, since I will be successful in the future, what I do now doesn't matter, because I'm perfect. EEERRRRRMP! WRONG!

Anyway, I've been telling myself things that aren't true, and imagining that I'm doing okay when I'm not. If I haven't succeeded at something, I may never. I always hope that somehow I'll be famous someday, and beautiful, and terribly skinny, and have awesome reflexes, and create amazing, strong bonds of friendship and love with people in the world... but these are all in my imagination. I can't just expect that I'm an amazing person-- I have to accept who I am and try and live.

Note.

note to self! Play Chopin: Prelude #15 In D Flat, Op. 28/15, "Raindrop"

is it in my preludes book?

Future Thoughts-

It's all going to be okay in the end. I don't mean at the end of the world, just in the end of this or that. So calm down, stop worrying, and start living in my moments.

Scene and Plot in Story Writing

When I'm writing my story/stories, I have GOT to remember that it's important to write about coincidences, a real life story. Life doesn't have fate and destiny set out like a story-teller, it's made up of more something like coincidences, so when something great and epic happens, it's not going to happen a zillion times more, so learn to cherish those moments more often, write fewer of them, and make them unique and important.

That's hard to do, so try writing a plot before you write the story and stop worrying so much about whether the details puzzle together. That will confuse you, if you're at the outline stage, stay there until you have an outline or a couple of outlines. Quit trying to get each detail perfect before you get to the end, or halfway through, or something! You get the point.


Honestly, amazing scenes are all about improvisation and random creativity, like music-- and although they might be amazing and great, if you stick them them too tightly, you'll be bound by them and you can't progress with your story and your story is therefore crap, and won't move beyond crap, so remember to look at the big picture too, or even before, you work on scenes, unless it's really important.

(The exercise is good, just don't freak out when you don't write something great down, instead, enjoy it and learn from it like you learn from watching a movie or seeing a great example of fashion. You can't keep everything, but you can get an impression in your mind.)


That way you also won't be stuck writing everything that pops into your head. That's impossible in music, you wouldn't do that, would you?

Study & Simplicity Life Change!

When I study, I need to find a place that's comfortable, study as long as possible, then get up when it starts to become annoying and exercise! Then, go back and study, and repeat the process! I should be doing this all the time. I could make boot camp for myself. Monday could be my day when I go back to school.

I've been centering my life around exercising and I end up thinking about it and planning so much that I never get started. In order to do it more regularly, I might need to stop focusing on it so much and balance my life out-- I'm not going to need to exercise if that's all I do; I WILL need to exercise a lot if I'm studying all the time, because exercise and study perfectly balance each other in opposite ways. That's why I haven't been able to exercise-- I haven't needed it when it's ALL I ever do.

Use my time-picking post to elaborate on this, and create more study periods. Also, finish cleaning up my room so that I feel good, and exercise and carefully diet so I lose weight-- these are both things I don't need.

(parenthesis mean I picked a time)
- walking the dog
- going to bed (8 prep, 9 lockin, 10 lights out) - also pills/shower/facewash/teeth
- exercising
- piano practice 1+ hr AT LEAST ONE! for clarity.
- studying japanese
- studying the bible
- reading healthy books
- jobsearch (right now)

so far that's all--

note: exercise (and other tasks) when NECESSARY, don't exercise if you don't have time or you're busy with your LIFE! Exercising isn't something that has to be intense right away, just try and do it sometime every day. Be less scheduled about it and everything else; that's the way that would work wonders for me.

get up, clean up, study, pray.
7  - dog AM
10 - piano practice 1+ hr AT LEAST ONE! for clarity.11 - study 4 school
12 - jobsearch
17 - dog walk PM
- studying the bible
- japanese
- reading healthy books
20 - going to bed (8 prep, 9 lockin, 10 lights out) - also pills/shower/facewash/teeth

Are you awake?

I think there are two sides to what I feel when I watch TV and get stuck watching without realizing that I could quit and do something else. One side is that I really enjoy it as entertainment, it's funny, interesting, emotional, happy, sad, and those things. But I also get stuck watching because I'm not "awake" or "aware" throughout-- instead, I let my brain go somewhere else.

I could spend time trying to hold onto my brain while I watch instead; it would make me stronger with decision making and quitting when I need to instead of quitting when something forces me to or reminds me that I should.

Later: wow, that was hard. I COMPLETELY forgot! haha. I'll keep trying it.

Exercising ideas!

When I watch movies I love the parts where people are escaping. I love running, hiding, evading-- it's a sort of power you can have-- even if you can do nothing else, you CAN run away. And it's even more interesting if you have to run because you're trying to stay alive. Someone running from vampires, or one particular person chasing someone. It makes me think of when I go out running, because running for your life must be much more intense experience-- a good workout, I mean. So I want to try pretending I'm being chased while I go running! It's such a fun idea. Of course, I can't think of it as fun or I won't feel like I'm being chased by someone or something. Hmmm... assassins definitely would be good, and I'm a princess... I'm running through the woods, dashing past trees, jumping over logs, slipping in mud, scrambling back up again, monsters biting at my heels. That's when you savor the moment, because each one may be the only one left.

I'm going to set my alarm clock for ...early? when does the sun set? I mean rise haha?... in the morning so I can get up while it's dark and work on that. Then I can go back to sleep if I feel like it. It is incredibly unlikely that I will want to by then, but it's worth a try. ;) I'll do it again at night too. I'll try and let you know if it works. I've thought of this before, but I never tried it for longer than about three seconds.