I am seriously irritated about everything. I want to slap myself. That is very awesome. Seriously. I don't care. It's like, if I want to make a change in the way that I make decisions, and the way I act, and my stuck-up ness, and being boring, and not paying attention, and being afraid, and taking my life and throwing it out onto the street, then I have to make a change. It's not sensible to sit here and squeeze my heart over and over like I'm trying to rid it of blood. That hurts, and it hurts me, most importantly, that's not what I want to do—I want to build myself up. Dear God, please give me the wisdom. I don't know the answers. He says please. I say what? I don't know. HELP! You know what I mean. I know who I want. Is this why I'm acting like this? What do I want? I need someone. I don't know... argh. How can I be myself without it hurting? I want to acknowledge you, and admit what I truly feel, but I have be-careful-people-are-listening issues. Maybe if I study more, I will get more in sync? I DON'T KNOW!!! I am seriously frustrated about this t.o.p.i.c.!!!!!!!! AAAAarrrrrrrgggggmmmmmff. I want to have a seizure about it. I don't know what a seizure is like and I'm sure that isn't really what I want, but my brain kinda feels that upset. I just wanted to clarify that.
I am illegally eating a very yummy and sweet orange while in class AND while typing for drills. Heh Heh. Heh.
Okay, so. Self-change. Duh. God.
There's no way. There is NO EFFING WAY. I do NOT want to do this without someone who knows you. Even just a little! How can you stand this?! Deprived, I am starving.
Anyway, I was going to say, Self-change and God go together very well. It's like an LOL moment or something, where you say, hello! Obviously if I want to change myself I don't have to take a huge amount of responsibility. It's more of a "yes" factor. Honestly... well, why do I not believe that?... Read up. (priority?) 'Cause I want to be in control?
I've got to pray for Kurisu. He is a precious individual. I don't care that I'm just being girly in that statement. It's still a feeling I get. What do you think, God? Shoobie doo.
arg.
