I want to have self-control over my actions, so that when I feel like doing something, I can realize in my head (not my heart) whether or not it's a smart idea, and be patient about waiting. "All in time" would be a good thing to think.
I want to have less material possessions, not necessarily too "simple", but because I don't want to keep so many things that I don't use and clutter up my life. I want to know where everything is and not have a complicated mess.
I want to learn how to say no when something isn't best for me, and not care that other people are irritated by it. Perhaps I mean... I should center my thoughts more around myself? And perhaps also... acknowledge when certain problems aren't mine and I don't have to care about others?
I want to be in control of my life. This isn't about something unattainable; I'm not being unreasonable. I wish for these these things only regarding myself. I can change who I am. I'm not trying to change the things around me that aren't under my control, I'm trying become someone who guides her own life, instead of letting just any current take her in circles (therefore getting nowhere).
It works out well that I have a journal like this (and this part annoys me, but it doesn't matter) because no one has to care about this, since it's all about me. I'm complaining about my internal issues. So it feels so good to be able to write it down, even if I'm really the only one who has to listen to it.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
IMPOSSIBLE?
So in the future, when I get a new job, I will expect that the next few weeks (IF I'm working full-time) will be absolutely horrible. Then, I won't be surprised.
I need to learn how to be braver, to tough it out. At family worship last night, we read a story from Chicken Soup for the Soul (volume something or other, I can go find it if you really want to know:) and there was something interesting:
I can't remember! Just a second. Okay, it's the story on page 303 in A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul. The mother tells her twenty-year-old son after his recent paralysis: "While the difficult takes time... the impossible just takes a little longer."
It's really true! I don't use it very much, but I bet if people thought that way more often, they would be much more successful. When I was little, I used this idea (not on purpose) to practice piano. Don't stop just when you feel like you should be finished! Keep GOING until you actually finish. Sometimes we forget to do that, right? Don't give up. Seriously.
I need to learn how to be braver, to tough it out. At family worship last night, we read a story from Chicken Soup for the Soul (volume something or other, I can go find it if you really want to know:) and there was something interesting:
I can't remember! Just a second. Okay, it's the story on page 303 in A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul. The mother tells her twenty-year-old son after his recent paralysis: "While the difficult takes time... the impossible just takes a little longer."
It's really true! I don't use it very much, but I bet if people thought that way more often, they would be much more successful. When I was little, I used this idea (not on purpose) to practice piano. Don't stop just when you feel like you should be finished! Keep GOING until you actually finish. Sometimes we forget to do that, right? Don't give up. Seriously.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Taking Action
Decide what time I'm going to wake up the next day before I go to sleep (or pick a time to go to sleep)
--> make a sort of "deadline" for going to bed, and do my best to adhere to it (deadline is such a great word! think of it more literally.)
Do work stuff mostly always before play stuff. Remember that an end really is in sight.
I get inspirational emails to help me learn Japanese from TextFugu.com . I love them. Here's what I want to think about after reading it: what's my "bigger purpose" or goal -- what can I imagine myself doing in three years if it could be anything I wanted-- what do I want to do? Imagine THAT, and then think: what are three small things you could do right now to get you closer to that place in your mind's eyes?
I need to be more literal with myself, and connect my smaller actions, the right-now actions, to my future. Because that's exactly what they are-- little bitty things added together make a future.
I have to start studying a lot. Mainly piano and theory. I think studying might be more useful than talent, so I can't sit around worrying that I have enough talent or not. If I just studied a ton, I'd do better than about ninety percent of those talented people who haven't been studying. As of right now, my laziness will not be getting me anywhere, so I have to change that.
New literal goals: [write these down in notebook and try to do it everyday.]
1. piano,theory/6days. bible7/days.
2. exercise/walk dog/chores seven days.
3. think about my main goals (read them) and think of what I am doing that day to get there, pick immediate things, and try not to forget them.
4. pick a time to wake up (and then also to go to bed that night before) and work to get it right.
5. use my imagination for each thing I do. in everything, remember who I can be if I choose. I wish I could go back in time, but I can't, so all I have is what I can do now. I have to be brave. 勇敢! "Yuukan"
--> make a sort of "deadline" for going to bed, and do my best to adhere to it (deadline is such a great word! think of it more literally.)
Do work stuff mostly always before play stuff. Remember that an end really is in sight.
I get inspirational emails to help me learn Japanese from TextFugu.com . I love them. Here's what I want to think about after reading it: what's my "bigger purpose" or goal -- what can I imagine myself doing in three years if it could be anything I wanted-- what do I want to do? Imagine THAT, and then think: what are three small things you could do right now to get you closer to that place in your mind's eyes?
I need to be more literal with myself, and connect my smaller actions, the right-now actions, to my future. Because that's exactly what they are-- little bitty things added together make a future.
I have to start studying a lot. Mainly piano and theory. I think studying might be more useful than talent, so I can't sit around worrying that I have enough talent or not. If I just studied a ton, I'd do better than about ninety percent of those talented people who haven't been studying. As of right now, my laziness will not be getting me anywhere, so I have to change that.
New literal goals: [write these down in notebook and try to do it everyday.]
1. piano,theory/6days. bible7/days.
2. exercise/walk dog/chores seven days.
3. think about my main goals (read them) and think of what I am doing that day to get there, pick immediate things, and try not to forget them.
4. pick a time to wake up (and then also to go to bed that night before) and work to get it right.
5. use my imagination for each thing I do. in everything, remember who I can be if I choose. I wish I could go back in time, but I can't, so all I have is what I can do now. I have to be brave. 勇敢! "Yuukan"
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
WOW!
So lazy in blogging lately!
I wanted y'all who actually find my writing interesting... heh heh... to know that I have a new blog that deviates from the extremely rational side of this one. My new blog is a lot dreamier. It's sort of imaginary, more like a story. Please check it out, I have no followers yet. :) I really LOOOVE followers. No reason, really, since I don't do "adsense" or whatever, it just makes me feel like there's a point to writing! When people listen, even a little, I mean.
Find it on my profile, or click here: Imagine. Dream. Explore? It's totally NEATO.
I wanted y'all who actually find my writing interesting... heh heh... to know that I have a new blog that deviates from the extremely rational side of this one. My new blog is a lot dreamier. It's sort of imaginary, more like a story. Please check it out, I have no followers yet. :) I really LOOOVE followers. No reason, really, since I don't do "adsense" or whatever, it just makes me feel like there's a point to writing! When people listen, even a little, I mean.
Find it on my profile, or click here: Imagine. Dream. Explore? It's totally NEATO.
College Success Plan, Beginning.
I am trying to take a theory class at my local university. As it turns out, I didn't actually need to appeal because I meet the conditions, and furthermore, I don't have to meet any conditions because I'm not yet a full-time student. :)
Answer these questions:
1. Why don't you meet the admission requirements, and
2. What are you are doing to make up deficiencies? Include information on your career and academic goals and why you want to attend. [I forgot to read that last sentence. :) ]
TO THE APPEALS COURT
WHY I DON'T MEET THE ADMISSION REQUIREMENTS
My GPA is: 1.6 [as it turns out, that's only my science. My real GPA is 2.5 and I didn't even need to write this letter.]
I didn't take responsibility for my grades at Atlantis University. I was rushing ahead when I should have stopped to think about what I wanted to do with my life. I let myself lose confidence in my academic ability and vainly hoped to fix my grades and continue in school, but I should have pulled out to rethink the choices I had made about the classes I had undertaken. [NOTE TO SELF: My hope was false because I had gotten ahead of myself and hoped for something before I acknowledged the truth. Hope is not invalid just because one fails; hope is invalid when it is not based on truth. My hope, sadly, was invalid situationally, but that doesn't mean that the result I hoped for can not happen, even if I repeat my actions-- but I have to repeat my actions while thinking more carefully-- SLOWLY-- about which actions to choose, so that I choose the right ones. Wow, that was a really complicated way to say that.]
WHAT I'M DOING TO MAKE UP DEFICIENCIES
I am studying independently at home.
I have to start studying 2 hours a day independently for each subject I claim to be studying before I can say that.
Refer to each subject I study 2 hours a day, five days a week, as a subject I've been studying.
That would be: 1 or more: Japanese, Piano, Theory, [exercise, which I will not mention]
I'm seeing a counselor at Pastoral Services about my life in general, especially in taking responsibility for my self and the things I do.
And once I start school, there are a few more items I will strive for.
I will take responsibility for the result of my work-- meaning, I will take responsibility for my grades.
I will pull out of a class right away if I realize I can't handle it by monitoring my progress and grades weekly, or sooner.
I will begin slowly, and start by taking only a small class load.
I will look back at this letter when I sign up for new classes and when I make other more important decisions.
[note to self: I will consider taking anxiety AND EVEN depression medications if my own efforts do not produce fabulous results.]
[NOTE TO SELF: I will not be finished with this until I've done these things. After I've done these things, I won't be finished either, so no congratulations until you do something big, at least.]
[note to self: Time Issue/SCHEDULE. If I study two hours a day for a regular class load, I will get A's most likely. That doesn't count piano, which is four hours, so working is out of the question, I don't even know if a full load and piano is possible, (as long as piano isn't counting as part of the load). Basically, working and school will be impossible unless I take less classes, because I can't expect to get A's without studying two hours and a regular class load is actually a fulltime job in itself (i.e. 6am-1pm school (errands/exercise), piano 4 hours, classes 5ish hours, sleep at 11PM???! That's more like 1 hour for homework, no time for meals or personal time. I am NOT going to be working while I'm in school except weekends! :) FOR SURE, unless I want to multitask and work while taking a half-load.)
As it turns out, this letter was unnecessary, but now that I think about it, it's really important that I wrote it because this sort of accountability (to myself) is exactly what I need to be in order to get through this beginning part. I won't succeed in school unless I follow these ideas, so I REALLY must look back at this!
Answer these questions:
1. Why don't you meet the admission requirements, and
2. What are you are doing to make up deficiencies? Include information on your career and academic goals and why you want to attend. [I forgot to read that last sentence. :) ]
TO THE APPEALS COURT
WHY I DON'T MEET THE ADMISSION REQUIREMENTS
My GPA is: 1.6 [as it turns out, that's only my science. My real GPA is 2.5 and I didn't even need to write this letter.]
I didn't take responsibility for my grades at Atlantis University. I was rushing ahead when I should have stopped to think about what I wanted to do with my life. I let myself lose confidence in my academic ability and vainly hoped to fix my grades and continue in school, but I should have pulled out to rethink the choices I had made about the classes I had undertaken. [NOTE TO SELF: My hope was false because I had gotten ahead of myself and hoped for something before I acknowledged the truth. Hope is not invalid just because one fails; hope is invalid when it is not based on truth. My hope, sadly, was invalid situationally, but that doesn't mean that the result I hoped for can not happen, even if I repeat my actions-- but I have to repeat my actions while thinking more carefully-- SLOWLY-- about which actions to choose, so that I choose the right ones. Wow, that was a really complicated way to say that.]
WHAT I'M DOING TO MAKE UP DEFICIENCIES
I am studying independently at home.
I have to start studying 2 hours a day independently for each subject I claim to be studying before I can say that.
Refer to each subject I study 2 hours a day, five days a week, as a subject I've been studying.
That would be: 1 or more: Japanese, Piano, Theory, [exercise, which I will not mention]
I'm seeing a counselor at Pastoral Services about my life in general, especially in taking responsibility for my self and the things I do.
And once I start school, there are a few more items I will strive for.
I will take responsibility for the result of my work-- meaning, I will take responsibility for my grades.
I will pull out of a class right away if I realize I can't handle it by monitoring my progress and grades weekly, or sooner.
I will begin slowly, and start by taking only a small class load.
I will look back at this letter when I sign up for new classes and when I make other more important decisions.
[note to self: I will consider taking anxiety AND EVEN depression medications if my own efforts do not produce fabulous results.]
[NOTE TO SELF: I will not be finished with this until I've done these things. After I've done these things, I won't be finished either, so no congratulations until you do something big, at least.]
[note to self: Time Issue/SCHEDULE. If I study two hours a day for a regular class load, I will get A's most likely. That doesn't count piano, which is four hours, so working is out of the question, I don't even know if a full load and piano is possible, (as long as piano isn't counting as part of the load). Basically, working and school will be impossible unless I take less classes, because I can't expect to get A's without studying two hours and a regular class load is actually a fulltime job in itself (i.e. 6am-1pm school (errands/exercise), piano 4 hours, classes 5ish hours, sleep at 11PM???! That's more like 1 hour for homework, no time for meals or personal time. I am NOT going to be working while I'm in school except weekends! :) FOR SURE, unless I want to multitask and work while taking a half-load.)
As it turns out, this letter was unnecessary, but now that I think about it, it's really important that I wrote it because this sort of accountability (to myself) is exactly what I need to be in order to get through this beginning part. I won't succeed in school unless I follow these ideas, so I REALLY must look back at this!
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