Center....

I want to have self-control over my actions, so that when I feel like doing something, I can realize in my head (not my heart) whether or not it's a smart idea, and be patient about waiting. "All in time" would be a good thing to think.

I want to have less material possessions, not necessarily too "simple", but because I don't want to keep so many things that I don't use and clutter up my life. I want to know where everything is and not have a complicated mess.

I want to learn how to say no when something isn't best for me, and not care that other people are irritated by it. Perhaps I mean... I should center my thoughts more around myself? And perhaps also... acknowledge when certain problems aren't mine and I don't have to care about others?

I want to be in control of my life. This isn't about something unattainable; I'm not being unreasonable. I wish for these these things only regarding myself. I can change who I am. I'm not trying to change the things around me that aren't under my control, I'm trying become someone who guides her own life, instead of letting just any current take her in circles (therefore getting nowhere).

It works out well that I have a journal like this (and this part annoys me, but it doesn't matter) because no one has to care about this, since it's all about me. I'm complaining about my internal issues. So it feels so good to be able to write it down, even if I'm really the only one who has to listen to it.

Looong Conversations! Not Trusting Myself?

I'm so depressed. I'm talking with my mom (right at this moment, I'm typing while she's talking) and it's SOOOOOOOOO FFFRUSSSSTTRRRRATTTINNNGGGGGG!!!!

UUUUURRRRRR.

I just can't get through to her and that's okay. At least we're not having an actual fight. She just has all these ideas and she forgets when she's telling me what to do too much. Like, way TOOO much advice.

I'm going to start trusting myself. More. As it turns out, I'm mostly right about everything, relating to how my parents think and how we get along... I can trust myself and my instincts. Now I need to work on respecting them, because I can't change what they think. Respecting, and listening, instead of talking back. Letting things that others say just kind of... float away.

It's okay though! *sigh*

I have my own goals. I think that having goals must be a sort of thing you can't always explain to other people. It's okay if NOBODY understands except me.

AAAARRRGG!! The conversation has continued....

Cara: *bangs head repeatedly on laptop keyboard*  *stabs laptop screen violently with pen point* *snatches up all sharp objects in room, throws--*