Happiness Might Be the Wrong Word?

I LOVE the idea of enjoying life-- in EVERYTHING I do, I can start enjoying myself. Look for only the good things. When I have a task to do, go at it with peaceful attention. Appreciate warmth, cool breezes, good smells, beautiful people, helping others, conversation and connection with others, colors, new information, funny and weird things.

It's hard to always take this attitude; we don't always get to do what we want... so when you're doing something because you have to, enjoy what you can enjoy. There's no point in feeling sad when you don't have to. Negativity can only cloud progress and being productive, so why embrace it and let it become you?

Of course, if there's absolutely nothing good about something that you have to do, (like a job that involves blisters or poop) then imagine all that while-- the beach, time with your favorite person or friends, a lush tropical island, a story you make up, flying in a blue sky-- or you can just meditate or pray. That time can be the part of your life when you leave the present... and escape.

When you ARE truly sad, don't avoid it. It's not like unpleasant things are bad, it's our reaction to them. It's good to be happy when you can be, but there's no reason to keep from feeling sad. Sadness is totally different from irritation in daily activities. When you're sad, give sadness a big hug, go ahead and start crying, and accepting that you don't feel good. Sadness isn't going to leave you if you beat it up with a baseball bat. It also won't leave if you pretend it doesn't exist. You have to look it in the eyes FIRST.

But I'm not talking about the unpleasant things, really. I'm trying to say that all unpleasant things can be overlooked, and on to the future, where better things must await. Overlooked doesn't mean ignored; it's not that the bad things in the world don't exist and that if we imagine them away they aren't happening. I'm just saying that you'll get farther in life if you take a different attitude and BE happier when it's possible-- and it's just about always possible.

Climax!

Daddy came into my room and told me I have to move out.

I am so immature. When I move out, I know I'm going to be a bit of a mess. I'm going to have trouble and be afraid and make mistakes. But I know I can do it okay, in the end.

The problem is, I need more time. I wish so much my parents would try a little harder to bear with me somehow, but somehow I get into arguments with my mom and my dad thinks the solution is for me to move out. On the outside, it makes perfect sense.

I don't want to criticize my mom, and I can't change her. I know I'm doing some things wrong, but I don't think that quitting the whole situation and my walking away would ultimately solve the problem. It's only a temporary fix, and for the rest of our lives, we're going to have these little things that get in the way of us loving each other. How is that okay?

I DON'T think it's okay because I think we CAN solve this problem. Sure, it would take forever and ever, and a lot of work, and a lot more tears, and a few more arguments, but I think we just need to get our communication tactics down a little better. That's all it is! I'm tired of this being all my fault!!! How does that make any sense??! I'm not a bad person. I don't WANT to hurt my mom's feelings. If it was all my fault, I wouldn't be acting this way. Instead, I'm just sad! I don't know what to do.

YES. I'm idealistic. But I don't think I'm being TOO idealistic. I think I don't want to give up. But it's hard for my mom to see it that way. I don't really know what she's thinking, but I wish it didn't have to go like this.

I wish I hadn't have said things that I said. I'm just not careful enough with my temper, and I'm snappy and disrespectful. But now, I'm just really sad and I can't fix anything.

I went and hid under my bed a few minutes ago. It only made me feel a little better. Mostly I felt stupid, haha.

This makes me want to move really far away, and not talk to them for two years straight. But how would that help? That's just my anger talking. It would be going against my I-want-to-fix-this-NOT-run-away attitude. *SIGH!!*