God being supportive

It seems a little scary to admit this but... I have to express how happy it makes me!

I've been in some pretty bad places in life. Not compared to some people, but emotionally, I have. I guess I don't have to compare myself to others to explain this. I shouldn't do that... anyway.

I've been homeless, I've hated myself (still do often), I have been alone in the world, with only my two feet to stand on. It was something like rock-bottom. Everything I have today-- my apartment, my husband, my job, is based on experiences I have gained since that rock-bottom place, it feels like. I suppose there were good things /before/ rock bottom that helped shape me, too. (Like childhood and sweet parents.)

But I just feel like God has gotten me here. Like everything I did was just minuscule or nothingness compared to what he can do  (and did) for me. I feel like David in the Psalms when he talks about being lifted up, and where his enemies are smote by the Lord's hand, and how God solves his problems for him. (I sometimes feel sorry for his enemies. But I think the point is that God solved his problems, and that those enemies could potentially symbolize issues, not necessarily people. But yes, sometimes people.)

It was like that for me. I feel completely supported by God. It feels so good to admit that everything I have is his. That he got me here, and not me. 

You know why? 'Cuz if *I* got me here, then I have a lot of work to do to get farther. And that's exhausting to even think about! This was hard enough, just riding on God's coat tails. It was difficult staying on the sled he was driving, hurtling us down the mountain, and without crashing into any trees, too. And now I'm supposed to walk myself all up that mountain so I can do it all by myself, again? No, sir! I would prefer to get a lift from the creator of the universe, thanks tho... He's the best driver, too.

This isn't self-depreciation like it might sound. It's such a relief to keep this in mind. That it's not up to me. And I don't even have to know where I'm going. 

*Whew.*

*Goes back to taking it one day at a time*

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

On Being Forgotten

Have you ever felt really, really sad because it was your birthday and no one remembered? You woke up and there wasn't any presents from your parents or anyone making breakfast--or even anyone at all?

I remember a time when I had that sort of feeling very strongly. Maybe it's loneliness, or something more specific than that. Being forgotten, I suppose. What is it about being forgotten that hurts like that?

Not sure.

But I was thinking (randomly) that there are people in my life, like my mom, for instance, who feel the same way about being forgotten. Some people want to be left alone, while others require attention from their friends and family. But my mom doesn't ask me to remember her. In fact, she repeatedly says that she doesn't WANT attention on mother's day or her birthday. She says this because being appreciated on one day, and not the others, feels superficial. It gets her all sentimental, and then the very next day, we regress to slob-like dish-washing habits, or other shows of ungratefulness, once again. That's depressing, for my mom, no doubt.

Basically, when my mom says she doesn't want appreciation, she says it out of humbleness, or denial, or something else unnecessary and incompletely true...'cause EVERYBODY needs appreciation. Appreciation is love!

I'm going to stop listening to her about this issue.

But only this issue. Not listening about other issues is a bad idea. I'm trying to learn how to accept advice from people more often. :)